getting this started

I have read many blogs and alot of them always start out with hmmm how should we start this.

In my adventures this past year i left my house on Jan 1st on a road trip that i will never forget. I started out with no destination and no goal, my life can down before me and i was in denial that fading away was my only choice. Depression works in mean ways to ones spirit, and it puts thoughts of suicide and doubt in your head. Leaving my home of 11 years and not knowing where to go seemed like the only choice at the time. My friends have gone off to start their own stories and during my episode i pushed them away. I was afraid to talk to my parents, only because i didnt want to show how much of a failure i was, again depression works in ugly ways. with a couple hundred dollars in my wallet i set forth on a journey that would now be the turning point in my life. I began this adventure in my little ole trusty honda civic that had already seen its share of the country from a previous owner. I didnt know where to go so i just drove, with my wife and kids in the rear view mirror, it was the worst day of my life. I left to find myself and maybe instill hope that i can change from the brutal ways of my self built reality. I had intended to run my car off a cliff or just purposely fall asleep and go into on coming traffic what ever the case may be it wasnt nice.

I hit Arizona at midnght and my car started to make funny noises, the CV joints were going out, i was like great!!! what else can go wrong in my life. Everyday i would call the house to talk to my wife and kids. But still in shame of what i have done, even thou it was both our faults in the marriage. I had a friend that i knew that just moved to Mesa Az and i was omw there to see if anything would be there to make me happy. Mesa is an interesting individual, i helped her with some personal problems and kept her sane in her times of need. we knew each other for about 2-3 years and i met her while playing that Online game World of Warcraft. My time in AZ was fun, Mesa is an amazing person and we had breakfast at ihop. Talked about all sorts of stuff, after that i took off and my thoughts of depressions started to fade. There was another person i wanted to met up with Sedona but i couldnt get ahold of her so i drove on thru and spent a day at Montezumas castle. I saw the Crater and drove along Route 66 and even saw snow in flagstaff. I have to say my time in AZ was actually very peacefull and the best part of it was watching the sunset on the painted desert. AMAZING!!! That was AZ in my eyes, it made me realize what i have been missing out on, my life and my kids. I was starting to get curious again and my journal had opened up. New Mexico was my next destination.