Losing is a life experience, Learn from it

I lost a friend earlier this year to selfishness and not thinking straight. My best friend for nearly 29 years, He was the best man at my wedding and also i was his best man at his. We grew up together since kindergarten, i remember meeting him for the first time and we were inseparable, i remember coming home crying after that day, telling my parents that i was moved to the other side of the room because we would talk all the time in class. And this was the first day of school. I remember going to his house to spend the night and we would burn GI Joe guys together or play stomper cars in premade mazes. I remember getting scold at school for playing Dungeons & Dragons and holding role playing football games in the lunch area. Later on i moved to another school but we still kept in touch with each other. We both had old mustangs, i owned a 68 and he had a 65. After high school we moved into the same place and started our center of the universe with my other really good friend from work. We were still always doing stuff together, going to Vegas, driving to Oregon, spending the night in San Diego for the comicon. Trips to MorroBay and late night jaunts to Pac-man arcade in Pasadena. We had our downfalls too, many people came and gone thru our lives, we liked the same girls. Which tested our friendship greatly, and we had our disagreements. sooner or later we both found our matches and married the ones we loved. Still friends, we witnessed the happiest days of our lives. The weddings, the birth of our children and the yearly get together at my house for fun and games after thanksgiving. He was the brother i never had, my buddy and my friend.

2006-2007 i started my downward spiral, i began to push away my friends and my family. My depression was so bad i began to push myself away from everything. After my own family seemed to move on without me i felt alone and not wanting to live. I reached out for help to my friends and with their busy lives they can only offer so much support. My loneliness was setting in and couldn't bare it. My life was falling apart and no one was around to help me back up. Not even my wife. Anyways that story will be for another day.

I started to talk to my friends again after my rebirth into the world of the living. My best friend was kinda going thru some problems and i tried to help out as much as i can, but in doing so my morals and values stayed behind and my mouth dribbled and therefore i lost my best friend in the world. I look back today and wish it never happened, 29 years of great memories destroyed in a single email. I'm not even sure it can be amended but i know it will be a very long time till i can look him in the face again if ever. I betrayed our trust and crossed that line of friendship, I'm very sorry for what has happened, and no matter how much i apologize it will forever haunt me as the worst thing i have ever done. This was part of my rethinking life over as i was away, thinking before i act and doing what i need to do to make it better. I wish my friend the best of luck in his life, i know hes doing really well right now and its only getting better. Me i have my moments of loneliness but i manage and i have began to make new friends. I'm happier now more than ever but sometimes you miss the old times you had with your friends. I still talk to him every once in awhile but its brief and only online, even then i hesitate.

Like I said, I'm happy now. Ive made some really good friends and reconnected with some people i haven't talked to in a long time. Valkyrie has been really sweet and if it weren't for some certain situations i might even haven fallen in love with her. Catalina showed back up in my life and answered many questions, for better or worst she has always been kind and warm hearted. Temecula is funny and very open about things, she is great. M has also been there for me and so has LL and MR. Great people.