2009 in Retrospec part 2

Valkyrie

I met her awhile back in 2008 and something wonderful happened, like ive said before she was kinda the first gal i talked to that let me know that i can move on, after my failed marriage i was confused and just looking for something. She came along in my life and i broke that quietness that i had for the longest time. ive expressed that artistic talent that laid dormant for so long, i had the words to make her melt and want more, someone actually listening to me and enjoying my company !! she was later deemed the girl i could never have, she fit my description of a dream girl. but thats the thing, the dream girl only in my dreams.... never real for me to obtain just there. thou i could text her and chat with her on the phone and thats the closest i could get. the closest i wanted to get. Yes there were plenty of times that i couldve met her in person, heck she hangs with my best friend but i just couldnt bear the fact of disappointment that bares on me. Even thou she would look past that, i am still not sure.

2009 brought some bad news, well not bad but happy and disappointing, she was actually in love with a friend of mine and i was happy for her cuz the sadness she had with her previous life has purpose now and he was it. I think that delaying my efforts with her only proved to kick myself. That is why shes the one i can never have. Learning from previous mistakes I cannot attempt to to engage like i wanted to and its becoming frustrating. but you never know and she likes my confidence heheh. We are still friends and I believe this year our eyes will lay upon each other for the first time. what will happen?? only time will tell... I wish her well for this 2010 and hope she gets what she wants. ME?!?!?! hahaha ok dreaming again....

2009 in retrospec part 1

2009 is about to come to a close and let me tell you, this year has been up and down for me personally, the death of my girl friend the ups and downs with Valkyrie, moving and the progression of friends on twitter. So many new names now and so many people to call friends. Also this will mark year 3 that i havent talk to my best friend of 25+ years and i believe its turning out to be a evolution for me. The lonely nights are becoming less and work is actually keeping me sane. My biggest move in at the end of the year has to be moving back in with my ex....

The Ex

When i was getting fed up with my mom for living there that is, i needed to move on and get ahold of my life, yes i thank her for giving me shelter when i moved back to California but i know i over stayed my welcome. I needed to move out before things got worst in the aspect of my moms relationship with her boyfriend. She was stressing out about me and it was effecting them. So not prepared to move out yet my Ex out of the blue offered for me to stay.... NOW... many people finds this wierd but it was a option that was good at the moment and besides, I get to see my kids and wake up with my kids. that was a major plus but you ask what about your ex and you.... Well we have gotten past our differences and worked out that yes we love each other but not in the way we did when we married. We have children together and need to raise them, show them role models and guide them, well i like to think anyways. I am sure she is on the same boat. This move is only temporary, till i get my tax return then its off to start my new life by myself and alone. My ex and I get along, she likes that there is an adult around to talk to and she can go out without getting a baby sitter, yes she kinda has a boyfriend and im happy she has moved on. The one thing that i dread looking forward to is leaving here again, my kids will be devestated and i am not sure this will be a good thing.....

Simply they say......pfft

Well this week has been a dozzy, managed to piss off Valkyrie, KinKin has been slowly fading away and my florida friend thought i was into her.... hahaha Things are ok now but i did manage to slip away from Valkyrie this past thanksgiving, which I dont know how much longer I can do that without hurting things, Just not ready to see her yet. NOW comes the true test of holding back, after seeing my roommate naked i just cant fight the urges to wonder what if??? Ugggh the temptations are there and i must resist....

My Florida Friend wrote me a really long sweet email yesterday, that kinda put things in perspective as to what i am doing and what i want....