Be good to yourself...

Where to begin??? It's been a couple weeks since last I wrote in here and well let's see if I can remember all the happenings that is going on.

My good friend that I have been writing about here, about her relationships and such is leaving. I won't see here anymore and probably the only means of communication will be Facebook or via texts. I'm bummed because she is always fun to talk to and nice to look at hahaha but her view on life is what has me interested in her story. She did however fell in love with someone totally opposite of her and they moved in with each other after a week of meeting each other. I guess love can smack you in the head and hard. She digs him a lot but we shall see how long it last. I do wish her the best but I see little hints of frustration that could lead her to regretting her decisions later in life. But she also has a string will so dispite all the odds she can prevail.

As for my good friend from the big state. She is awesome. Well I'm sure if I lived closer to her it would grow into something serious. But I'm here and she's there and I still have my life and she has hers. So becoming her friend has been fun. We tease and play but at the end of the day we are alone. Maybe??? One day we will meet and see where it goes from there. It seems to be a pattern with most people. I talk to valkyrie every now and then and some others I text here and there. Some respond with stuff that throws me in such a loop that I'm like WTF???? Others I'm just nice and take it as it is....


-- Posted from my iTouch

How feeble we are?

I really need to move out and get things I meant to get done, done.... I think today has been bad only cuz something happened last night that made me rethink what I'm doing.... It sucks but kinda glad it happened. It just brings me closer to earth and the reality that I tried to cover.

-- Posted from my iTouch

Weekend of fun??? Ya right...

Well it's that time again. The gathering of the masses in my little hometown. Every year there is this big event that happens that makes people flock back to this town for good times and fun. School reunions of five years, rides, food an crafts. Over all this is a fun event. An event I for some reason have been away from for the past decade. Within that time I did go once but It was just in passing. Thou these next couple years are pretty interesting because my school reunion is up in a couple years and the people I went to school with are starting to show up. Now recently I have been chatting with people and been connecting up with old friends. Well why I run away when this happens is beyond me or maybe I'm just subconscious about what really is on my mind.

One person that is gonna be here is my long time recent crush valkyrie. Ya she will be here and has already asked when to meet up..... I did t give her an answer because I am not sure I am ready to see her yet.... She will be all weekend and me I just so got caught up in something that I didn't know was at the sametime. Ya I should just do it but 80% of me still says to wait. Uggggg it's my procrastination that is killing me on this. I couldve hooked up with her plenty of times but nooooo. I hold back.


-- Posted from my iTouch

Used to be a sweet boy....

Well another festival and another time not going. It's getting closer and cozier to my reunion and I think that's the time I will probably go. Thats in like two years. This year again I didn't go cuz of my self doubt lingering over my head. It was nice to get texts asking where I was but I still didn't show up. The pictures kept coming and the friends I saw were those I haven't seen in forever. But it's my own fault that I didn't go. And on top of that my weekend plans were canceled due to the fact that my kids didn't want to go and I was kinda broke. So what did they do?? Hung out with my ex's best friends mom and my old friend. At least they had fun, as for me??? I just stayed home mad at myself for not going and other things in general. I did meet some new people and have gotten better friends with others. It has been good.



-- Posted from my iTouch

A good idea.... Jealousy

Well here is a start of kinda a new direction with this blog. I wanted to start a complete different page but decided to stay here just cuz it's seems easier to maintain. I have access to it from other places and hopefully I will be able to update as soon as possible. As for my topic titles I'm not sure if anyone caught on but it's usually lines from the song I'm listening to at the moment.


-- Posted from my iTouch

Midnight sun, set me free....

I left my phone at work..... This will be interesting cuz I'm never without phone. But what a flash back it has been. The depending on such a device for social interactions. Just think back in high school we had to depend on our regular land line phone. No emails no texting just good ole talking communication. Ugg no wonder I never had dates. I was to shy. Thou the Internet has opened me up to a social world and I have more friends online than I do in real life. I am sure it's like that with all people now.

Lately I have been feeling lonely. My roommate is always going to her boyfriends and I'm home with the kids every weekend. I don't mind that as much but sometimes I have to get out of my stir craziness. I have had plenty of opportunities to go out and have fun but lately I think my depression is getting the best of me. It kinda sucks but I'm dealing with it as best I can. Internet friends have been great but seeing someone in person seems to be what I'm looking for now. Waking up alone everymorning at 4am and getting home at 730 pm. The kids are either sleeping or just about going to bed. Last night made me realize I have been out of the loop on my kids education. My oldest is not doing well over all. And I think it's partly due to me not caring enough for her learning. Yes I'm grateful for her trying and hard work she puts in it but not checking in on her or positive reinforcements that can give her that extra effort. We all have different ways to raise kids and I'm trying my best to make sure they do what they can to the fullest potential. It's just hard when my day is taking so long starting and ending. Then my weekends are spent vegging. I should be prepping the house for winter or even the minor details that need attention around the house. I have been slacking a little and the quietness of my roommate could indicate that she may be getting irritated. The kids still don't say anything but maybe it is time to move on and out. I can't stay there forever. And eventually I'll need to move. But till then it's just one day at a time.

As for my former friends. I have been toting with the idea of letting go. My past is something I want to be rid of and I really just need to move on. I have already deleted them off fb and just fading away. My sorrys have been said now it's just time to heal and move on. Thou it's kinda hard when everyday you are reminded of who you are and where your at. I don't talk to them as much but I see them everyday. I get sad and sulk. So that's been a challenge for me aswell.

Till next time

-- Posted from my iTouch

She's such a bitch.... This thing called depression..

It hate it when I feel like this. No motivation or spunk. No self reliance no love no nothing. I just wanna curl up into a corner and die. I felt this way one time before and it's just not fun. Even thou I haven't been diagnosed with depression, all the signs are there. It just plain sucks. Just the littlest things set me off to and sometimes the most stupidest things that are beyond my control. My loss of rl friends my loss of family and my inability to move forward, I was doing sooo good last year but since I've moved back in with my ex it has been trying. My fatherly skills are dwindling and my positive attitude sucks as well


-- Posted from my iTouch

You'll get what you desearve...

Waking up alone has hit me really hard today. Talking to friends and couples that I have known for awhile just reinforced the idea of my longing for some sort of companionship. But as I think of it I tend to sway away because of the things that I have used to sway me away from pursuing. I have fun where I go but deep down inside I'd like to share it with someone. This weekend I have known this girl for about a year now. And when out of the blue I sent her a picture she was like whatever hahaha I am such a baby or maybe I just took it in wrong or whatever. The point is I was mentally thinking this was someone I wanted to care for when in fact it's just a good friend that I can have more than what I want. Ya I have plenty of those.... I know if I put my mind to it I can make something of it. My best example is Valkyrie.... I am pretty sure we could've went somewhere with our flirts and innuendos. But I chickened out so many times....

-- Posted from my iTouch

If I ever leave....

it's been awhile since I have written in here and not much has happen since then. The girl I have been writing about at work finally transferred to another city and movEd in with her love. It's interesting to me how people fall in love within the five days they have known each other. But it seems to work. I am happy for her and hope she succeeds in her life. I know her friends have many opinions about her situation, I kinda envy her cuz she's taking that chance in life that many hesitate. Should I do such a thing?? Time can only tell.

Another person I have been chatting with daily is hmmm what should I nickname her..... Mandi. Only cuz she likes a singer by that name. Anyways mandi and I have been chatting for like almost year and it's been childish banter at first and the occasional flirting on my part but recently I have taken interest in her. Not in a serious matter but wow this chick is kewl and fun to talk to. The drawback is she is from another state that is like 20 hours away... Now I'm sure if we lived in the same area there would probably be something more. Her little answers to my gibberish makes me wonder what would happen if I moved or even visited her. She is pretty very witty and laughs at me. She has an interesting past and even sheltered a bit. Yet there are things in common we can talk about or do. I'm not sure where I'm going with this but maybe there is something there if instigated more. Oh well it is what it is..... More on mandi latter

Ok so I was in San Diego this weekend and Valkyrie texts me it's my chance?!?!? WTF does that mean?? Hahah I was like hey lady you are in a relationship with a good friend of mine and it would suck if he were to find out. But the thought was there. My infatuation with her runs deep. I was trying to explain one day to my roommate how Valkyrie will all ways be in my heart do to her nature of being the first attractive women to take interest in me after my split. Even though I shouldve gone for it I didn't due to the fact of disappointment. Something I need to over come some day. But anyways her teasing me made me think she is still pondering me in some way.... Which made me feel good but sad that nothing came of it... Ugggg I'm no certain of this feeling I have for her. But sometimes it's annoying or the opposite ugggg. I know Mtn festival is coming next month and my good friends bday is also. Who is a good friend of Valkyrie. Which they will be hanging out too. I will probably be to chicken shit to goto Mtn fest but we will see.

Shook me all night long...

I don't understand maybe she was joking maybe she is hinting hahaha ya right I'm getting my hopes up. Anyways tthis morning I had to wake up the roommate to take me to the bus stop due to not having change and was running late. Uggg I hate waking her cuz afterwards I feel like shit. Yes I would hate to be woken up at 430am and yes I'm a loser to wake up that early too. Hmmmm

Yesterday was interesting. I was pulled into the office at work for being a witness of something that happened that was really childish to begin with. Some people just can't accept certain things.

Ok so my project that i have been following did go out with a new person. (when I say following it's not in a stalkerish way just curious about her situation and bored heheh) it's funny when younger people start dating older people. There's that thin line of ok parent.... Me I was actully curious of what it would be like with an older woman. I was seeing this one girl or should I say lady haha and she was considerably older than me like 52. Amazingly she didn't look like it. She kept herself well fit and was very entertaining. What did she think about seeing someone that was way younger?? She didn't care. The sex was good and the good times were plenty. Now what about the other way?? A younger lady going after an older man??? I'll name her taylor cuz she reminds me of Taylor Swift. Anyways Taylor went out with this one guy that was like 7years older and had a couple kids. The thoughts mustve been mindboggling at thtat young age. There's this guy that has already been married and had kids. He's experienced life already in the aspect of marriage kids and divorce. Grant it I have been thru the same thing and companionship is a definite thing we miss but also the sex. Intentions could be high in this dept. Taylor is a fairly attractive person and why not have a gf thT could trump your ex and have eyecandy hanging on yur arm ya..... Anyways I can relate to Taylor new how should I say this... Person of one way intrest. Hehehe now I'm not sure if she's interested but I know she has commented on how wierd it is being baby'd by this man. Hahaha details later when they rise.

Out of the blue I did get to talk to Valkyrie.... Omg right?!?!? Just the usual flirting online lead to me calling her and laughing because of the teasing each other. I'm not sure why I'm still stuck on her. After everyone I always go back to her.... Why?? She makes me smile she makes me lose where I'm at and she is fun to talk to. But yet she lives so far away and alas I have no car ugggg. Anyways one day.....

How do people do it??? Without medication or help?? It is tough dealing with this I can feel it draining me. I can feel the tears swell up I can feel the sense of worthlessness overwhelming my happy demenor. How much more will I take before falling??


-- Posted from my iTouch

I see what's going down.....

Well ithink I'm going back into my depressive state. I'm sad that I have to ride a bike everyday. I'm sad that I have no real friends than the ones I have at work. I'm sad that I secluded myself from everyone. I'm sad that I can't motivate myself to be a better father. I'm sad that the descisions I made has continued to grow out of control and soon it will blow up in my face. I'm sad that some days I rather be worm food than the happy life I potray online. I'm sad that my good friend is gone and she is somewhere that I might or might not believe. I'm sad that I ignore some people because of personal grudges. I'm sad that I shouldve been something yet I choose to take the easy road which has lead me here a complete mess. I am sad that I can't afford certain things for my kids. I am sad that the people I care for right now are bajillion miles away. Why must I continue when all this stuff recently isn't really good for my mental state. My good friends that I hung out with since highschool are gone and doing their life. I try and be positive but daily I'm reminded of the failures that I have created. I try and make people smile and laugh and to some extent they do. But I'm left empty for some reason. I ride the bus five days a week. I ride my bike 20 miles roundtrip on days I work. I come home and goto bed just to do it again the next day. I need something soon or my downward spiral will get the best of me.

A couple days ago I realized that the sun comes up while I'm riding the bus. The awesome begining of each day is in front of me. I ponder what will come of it and hope things will change but as I'm mezmorized by the sun. Looking at it to much it begins to hurt. I guess this blog in a way is my venting since no one is around to even bother with how I really feel. And even if someone would ask I'd probably turn the other way and make the subject into some about zombies or totally different. That's just me I guess. I have been getting better opening up but recently I have been sugar coating it to make it seem better than it is. Most people add their renditions of stories, to make them interesting and to captivate the person hearing them. I am guilty of this as well. We shall see what the future holds for me but it better be good soon because I'm not sure if I can take this much longer. Stewing like this is begining to take it's toll on me.



-- Posted from my iTouch

How am I suppose to pretend??

My second attempt at writing this uggggg anyways. It's been a trying couple of days and riding the bus and going to work and no car has just made it worst. This past weekend I had access to a car and it was great. Made me miss my car and the spontaneous adventures. Now I'm back to watching these people come and go on this bus. Will that be me in ten years???


-- Posted from my iTouch

Hi.......

Texting experiments are fun to a point. You see who's out there and wonder if they respond in a timely matter or if certain requests are made heheheh. It's been awhile since I have spoken to Valkyrie or chatted. But everyonce in awhile I'll text her "hi" and zhe responds right away. Now I could go into the psycological meanings of this and drive myself mad but I think today is not the day.

It amazes me when women come up to me and tell me all men are jerks. I think to myself am i?? Maybe they tell me cuz they are comfortable at talk to me maybe they tell me cuz I'll listen maybe they have their own meanings but it's curious to me cuz most of the time I don't represent that part of my breed. It also makes me sad cuz here is an attractive and outgoing woman standing in front of me crying about the inconsistancy of her boyfriend. I offer my advice like any friend should but it makes you want to step in and show them what a nice person is. Hmmmmm it's mind boggling. But.... It's also a learning experience cuz I'm learning what not to do around women. Yes I'm single and would like to find that person but the road there is bummpy and unknown heheh.

As for the mini things I have going on with my Twitter friends..... Ya I'll keep it at that hahaha

I think I'll write about this person at work that has these problems of dating and being single. Maybe I can open some doors of my own by listening the what ifs and what nots in her relationships. Or at least get a better understanding at it. Also I'll write about the bus journeys hehehe

-- Posted from my iTouch

PIZZA!!!!

Hahah so this morning on the bus some fairly attractive girls came on and it looked like they were hikers. Anyways they sat down and there was this guy that was sitting across from them that was quiet till they got on. He started screaming PIZZA and orther things. It kinda freaked out people on the bus. The girls just tried to ignore them but his shouts were to loud to try. It was rather amusing but that must stink to have torettes like that. Needless to say I'm deaf but hungry hehehe. One of the girls did smile at me hehhe happy John :)

Yesterday it was kinda quiet on the bus. Had the occational wierd looks and stinky hairy ear man. I was in awe with the lady that got off the bus before I got on. Wow she was smokin. Hehe ya I'm male and still go wow at beauty.

As for Chanel she went and saw her loser bf last night. When all day she was complaining about how inconsiderate he is and how much she is a jerk. So she said she was single and hates men..... Uggg 1st of all it's a long journey to find that perfect someone and you'll know when you find this person. She is young and attractive yet doesn't know what she wants. Stress is taking over her, not only from her wierd relationships but from work as well. It's funny listening to her complain because most of the time it's stuff that could be controlled or signs of get away. I fear that this guy is gonna start using her because even thou he brushed her off over the holiday weekend she came back. I see that as an open invintation to do it again. And then to make matters worse she went and made out with her ex uggggg what is she thinking???? Not only did guilt come into effect the next day she seemed confused.... To me it seems like. Pointless stress and needs to extinguished by moving on. I think her inner circle of pressure to have a bf or to get married has prompt her to want such things.... Me I'd finish school and if something happens it happens. She has good friends and a great support circle. More on this when new things develope....

As for me..... I'm not sure what's going on. I'm looking forward to apply at the slo warehouse for some ft work but it's so far away from the kids and without a car I might get screwed over this ugggg


-- Posted from my iTouch

Before I walk away...

I'm not liking this one bit. I can sense it in her attitude and the way I'm talked to. It might be me or just the fact that I've seen this for the past 14 years..... Yes I'm getting in a rut and I'm reminded daily when I get on that bus or ride my bike. Yes I like the excerise but at what cost?? My sanity is dwindling fast and this I can feel. Each day a pint of depression makes it's way into my head wondering if this is worth it. Yet my kids are the only ones that I come to and reassures me it is. It tears me about seeing thm not get what they want ot crying when a promise is broken. I try but this exhaustion is becoming of me. I'm not sure what to do. My kids only see the outside of me the part of me that hides well of what is really happening I side. They tell my old friends I'm fine. But am I??? Hmmmm I keep myself occuipied but I am running ou of things to do. My computer broke I have no car and I'm tired after pulling a 12 hour workday that includes a 20mile bikeride. Am I giving myself excuses??? Maybe but it is wearing me thin. I'm not happy.

What will make me happy?? Maybe the living on my own thing. Maybe a better job or a better paying job. I'm ugly and right now I have no ambition. I look forward to hide my life and chat with my virtual friends but how long will that last and when they log off I'm alone once again. I get to work and everyone here is against eachother. It's rather sad and makes the workplace not a welcomed place as it once was. Maybe I do need to get away to gather my thoughts but where Nd most importantly how will I get there. It's sad when I ride home I take my time. I've rode down many different trails and stopped and watched ants crawl. Yes I'm that exciting. A good friend from the past contacted me. One I used hang with all the time and talk to. He asked how I was and what's up..... I had nothing. Not sure if I wanted to open up a can of worms or not but it just seemed I was not interested in delving myself. Is it something I want to get away from??? It's been nearly four years since my seperation and almost five since I lost a really close beast friend. My girlfriend past away a year ago and someone I really like I was afraid to go and see. I want to change but it's so hard at this moment and plus I always preached no one ever changes.

What is this bblog about then???? I guess I'm just ranting about my own life not meeting up with the expectations that I have set out four years ago. Fix my broken self and be the best dad I can be. I'm getting a F rating on this and need to go away. I think I will hit up this cruise thing soon. Away and gone for a couple days would be nice. Or save up and get a car.......

Hehe


-- Posted from my iTouch

In groms we trust...

Somebody left a surfing magazine on the break room table and it just remind me of the old days with friends and our surfing trips but one thing I find when reading this is the philosophy that is involved. Most suffers talk about the way the waves move and the way they are part of their life. It's interesting that most travel the world and see new people I wonder if that philosophy gets shoved aside when money is involved and fame. Just like the movies and the books you read there isn't many people that can handle it. I guess when yur floating out there on yur job waiting for that wave to get them points to earn 1st place will have that diminishing effect. I could be wrong. The passion is there at the beginning and the fun but I can only think that once you go corprate you lose that serenity of something you loved to do to the slave land grind of making it as a form of living. I guess I can say I am jealous and fasinated of these surfers. To be in a great shape to pull of these manuveurs and the hot women. Hmmmm

Anyways lately I have been going through a life check. Analysing everything and comparing them to my own. I really need to just do it. Moving in back with my ex has has it's moments and the kids seem to enjoy it but now I'm stuck.... I work all week and don't get to spend much time with the kids and when I do get home I'm very tired from my 20 mile bike ride. I'm disappointing Chloe my oldest is above failing in school and my son doesn't care about hygene. Now just reading what I wrote might just contribute to them being kids but my health as well has been up and down. More mentally than physcally. My life is far from perfect and the choices I have made not all the best. I guess I can thank to be alive but at what cost?? Even though my kids love me my role model creds aren't there and I'm sure my ex has some things to say as well. I'm not sure what I'm doing at this point but it needs to be decided soon. I really don't have friends to hang out with and the ones I do are all on a virtual plane of existance. I'm not all that attractive and my mind wanders...... Uggg. I'm not helping any hahaha. Anyways enough of the daily rant. Just gonna sweep it under the couch and hope it will not come back to haunt me. Today is a new day and life is here.


-- Posted from my iTouch

Paris....

Nsfw 18+
A quick story for her...

The adrenaline rush from the haunted mansion spurred an new interest. Where can we go and not get caught be enjoy each other. Ohhhhhh the Matterhorn!!! Waiting in line flirting with each other and getting turned on more and more with each passing moment. This ride would be perfect to satisfy her for this 5 mins of bliss. The attendant motioned us to sit down. I get in first and you wanting to sit on my lap skootched in snuggled between my legs. My cock growing with excitement and you wiggling yur ass into it more shows me you are aware what is there. The ride stEtson and we wait to enter the cave. I already have my arms around you and pulling u back to lean on me. We enter the cave and begin to ascend to the top to begin the fun roller-coaster. In the dark we can hear the screams of fellow riders. Soon drowned out by our heavy breathing I beginning to run my hands up underneath yur shirt. The soft Lacey bra had no match standing between me and my goal. Knowing we don't have much time I pull yur bra down to reveal yur perky nipples for my fingers to play with. My other hand running down yur tensed up leg finds yur already moist panties. I bite yur ear as I move yur underwear side to reveal yur flower to me. I can hear yur breath get heavy as my fingers pinch and pull yur nipples and a slight burst of cutoff words when my finger touches yur wet flesh. Yur skirt hiked up even more I bend u forward so I can lift u up on my lap. U already knowing what to expect next start to grind yur lovely ass on my crotch. In seconds I pull out my throbbing
Manhood just to quickly plunge it deep inside you as u grind right on top. Both of us letting out a howl of pleasure as we reach the top of the tracks for our downward trek. Yur wet pussy made it easy for u to ride my thick cock. And as the coaster descended the rush of the ride and the motion of fuck became instant orgasm for you. This would be one of many before the ride was done. The whips and turns and the sudden jerks made it almost unbearable for you. The pure sensations of me inside you and the ride making you want more was apperent. My hand grabbing harder on to yur breast and the other rubbing yur clit made me want to cum badly. As the coaster is approaching the end the bumps in the ride made me go deeper in you and you start to fuck me faster. I can feel my urge to cum intesify as I'm going in deeper. And right before the last turn I explode with a deep compassion. My fingers pinch your nipples harder my stiffen up and I can hear and feel you cuming as well. Yur back arching and you trying to get me in deeper as yur muscles spazzing with overjoyed motions. As the train pulled into the station we gather our things and smile. "what's the next ride we should go on??"

-- Posted from my iTouch

I'm not afraid...

The lust that has been displayed these last couple days just shows me that the male counterparts in these womens lives disappoints me. These beautiful and thoughtful people being ignored of their physical attention hmmmm. Some of these women are just awesome. I can see where they are coming from too. As in my previous marriage I was ignoring my wife and thus where I am today. I know the sexual prowlness is enhanced around age 30+. I have seen and experienced this lust. When I was married I however was blind to it. We get caught up in our little webs and daily routines to see this evolve. Anyways miss Arkansas sends me dirty pictures all the time wanting me and sharing her thoughts on what to do. She is married and have kids but I ask what makes you get to a point where this happens. She gets sex once a week but she wants it everyday. Thus my theory of sexual neediness after age 30. There is another woman that I talk to in her 50s that display the same physical need. I have in the past wondered what it would be like to seduce ms Robinson. The knowing of her experiences could teach me a few things. As I get older yes the fucking is wanted but the sensual and romance is becoming more needed. Even Paris loves my words of lust and stories of passion. Where has it gone?? Do we lose track of it at a certain age and need to be reminded?? Paris is amazing, Arkansas needs more and 50+ wants to be fucked and man handled. It's strange yet appealing to hear these different situations. Now I have never sleep with these women but I'm sure if I had a chance there would be no questions asked. I've been talking to a 29yo and she has been flirtatious but not like the others and the 21yo is still in the ewww that's dirty phase. Now hearing from my male friends experiences are almost similar. So I wonder with our attention spans becoming shorter what will happen.




-- Posted from my iTouch

Breaking out!!

This weekend we made the la purisima mission for Chloes school project and even thou it was last minute it was fun to do. Building that I think brought Chloe and I a little closer. We took our time on the buildings made them out of cardboard and painted it with the mass array of materials we had on hand. The horse drawn carriage was pretty neat and the tree and shrubbery. Over all good times, I don't even remember making one and I missed out on zoes project.

Zoe has been a challenge her knowing everything is getting really annoying but I must stick tto being dad and not giving in to her shenanigans. I feel bad yelling at her but how else am I suppose to get thru her. She will be a teenager soon and this should be an interesting ride....

As for me I found a long lost friend I haven't heard from in a couple years. She was always fun to chat with and was around when my ex and I were separating. I was happy to see she had a baby and her long time bf were gonna get married. Sigh......


-- Posted from my iTouch

Fighting on arrival!!

Alright.... Where did spring go?? Rode the bike in the freezing cold this morning when I got up to Tehachapi uggg and it was sleeting in my face hmmmm. I should rethink this wearing shorts.

What made yesterday interesting was the confirmation of Valkyrie admitting she is seeing someone. I've known for awhile but she insisted that they are just friends. Now why has she said this?? Is it because I annoy here to much?? Is it that she's finally serious for that to work?? Hmmm whatever the case may be good luck to her now comes the part of ohhhhhh man I delayed that to long. Ugggg the hot girl the couldn't been isn't available anymore :(. I hope she is ok, it sounds like it thou. I wonder thou.....

As for the roommate she was really sad yesterday so I treated her to dinner with the kids. I wrote a huge blog about her job denial but the damn thing erased ugggg


-- Posted from my iTouch

Hang on!!

Hmmm to getting out of the house late this morning and luckily the bus was running late again I made good time riding my bike. Getting there at the usual time of a couple minutes before 5am but leaving at 435 I had a good pace to get there with time to spare. My ride was accompanied by an almost full moon sitting on the horizon. I the next couple days it will be back to shine my way and lite up my path of travel. It was kinda neat seeing the moon sitting there ready to sleep as the sun is coming up.

My roommate was sad last night because she didn't get the job she applied for. Which is a shame cause I know she would've done good in that position. She is a hard worker and I wish her well. As for my job it's pretty simple yet stressing sometimes cause of my boss but isn't every job like that???



-- Posted from my iTouch

Why do you let me stay here???

Another Monday and week four of my biking to work. Which isn't that bad if you have music and wake up on time. One thing I keep forgetting to do on my ride is look around at the settings that is given to me. The few moments that I do gaze upon the heavenly sky i notice the black sky that is poked with millions of holes by some celestial being giving us air to breathe. The night sky is amazing out in the desert. Hardly any city lights and quiet from the daily hustle bustle of metropolis life. Its amazing out here at night.

What inspired me the write this was when the bus was in route to my final destination the edge of the fog was creeping it's way towards Mojave and the blanket of cotton looking air swirled around at the foot of the cemetery plant leaving an eerie sense of wonderment as we drove by. Almost straight from a horror film where on a foggy morning the bodies reveal themselves as the sun burns away the mist. What will today have in store for us??? Hmmmm

Also I found out that I was pulled into an affair scandal that was kinda funny. One of my close friends was told by her daughter that the reason they were getting a divorce was because her and I had an affair..... HahahahahHhHHAahahah!!!!!! Ya likely story thou I have always wanted to sleep with her just never happened and just have become good friends. It's interesting thou why he choose me to say this about. Considering that when they were married we never talked to each other because he was controlling and didn't like any of her friends. And it wasn't till after my separation and hers we even started reconnecting with one another hmmmm. He is just an interesting person. Even thou they are divorced they will always be in each others life due to the fact they have kids.... And throwing mud at each other mainly on his side from what I get isn't the best way to raise them. Grant it I have my own situations about my kids and ex but doesn't everyone??? It's part of the separation as parents package.


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All the leafs are brown....

Sniff sniff uggg such a runny nose today.... The bike ride was very cold, probably the coldest yet. I did manage to get there on time but the only thing was the bus ended up being 25min late.... Seriously!! Our town is the first stop WTF!!! Hmmm oh well at least I made it.

Soo ya these last two days have been crazy. My parenting skills have been challenged by my own daughter. I couldn't goto work due to snow and I am broke as a joke ugggg oh and taxes were denied boooo. I did fix the taxes and I managed to rectify my situation with my daughter but it left a sour note in my head cuz the way she used to hurt me.....


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Swing life away....

Hmmm so Valkyrie popped in my head again. I still talk to her on occasions and her relationship with her "best friend" seems to be going strong. Just makes me wonder the what ifs and so close moments to seeing her, yet I hold back still. Well now maybe cuz I don't have a car at the moment hmmmm ya that's it. I'm not sure why I give excuses for her but they are their. Every since Porscha asked me why I'm still single, it makes me wonder why. It's by choice I'm thinking. So many missed opportunities and yet I'm still here single. Maybe I'm afraid of commitment maybe I'm still recovering from my failed past or maybe I'm still looking for myself. I can come up with so many excuses yet I'm still here thinking of the past. Why..... I really need to move on and make the best of it. Valkyrie is my friend and that's all it will ever be. Yes at one time she was the one I wanted to be with, to hold, and to be intimate with. Yet for some shy reason I stayed away. Uggg.... I will continue to go merry way of flirtatious comments hide behind my computer and be content. Que sera sera.......

The bike ride this morning went good I made it in 26ish min. I was running late so I jammed down there as fast as I could. I did rest some spots but if I can keep a good pace I'm sure I can make I to 20mins. As for the ride last night it was ok the wind was blowing but I managed to keep going. Took me like 40 mins. Hmmm.


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Wasting time....

The exertion of muscles as they push forward my metal steed. The precise balance needed to ride such a machine and concentration is uncanny. My morning slumber is interrupted due to such a thing. Hmmm...... The bike ride seems to be getting easier and easier each week thou my Monday jaunts are tough at first due to no activity during the weekend. Today on Mondays however my ride home won't be interrupted due to roommate coming to pick me up hahah yes I have taken advantage of this a couple times but Mondays I can't cuz the kids have scouts which is fine.

This weekend I did nothing..... The house was full of junior girl scouts so I kept to myself and played scrabble with friends and Facebook. It kinda sucks not having a car but also not spending money helps in me saving hahaha. One thing I did run across this weekend was the way my daughter is acting. Very bossy and talks back to her mom and dad. I'm not sure where this comes from or if this was a thing we didn't notice while raising her. Maybe it's a hormonal thing or a phase as she is entering that emotional state of becoming a teenager. Whatever it is I we need to head it off somewhere and soon. My parenting is very low key and not forceful. My ex on the other hand is has a short temper and is very outspoken to our children. That's just her. I'm not sure I can raise my voice to my children but I have. Apparently she has been bossy and very rude with fellow girl scouts and my ex. I'm gonna do some research as to how to handle this. We shall see how this goes. But I was scared for a moment cuz I thought she ran away. They got into a bad fight and almost crossed that line of omg. So my daughter disappeared for a bit and I went out looking for her in the car. I began to worry so much I almost was going to cry. How can this happen. Yes i did see the fight but it wasn't that bad I probably would've handled it different. What was done was done. Moving forward and learning from the past I need to figure out something for her.


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Open arms

Yesterday my daughter Chloe got an award for participating in a water conservation poster project. Her ceremony was at the Rosamond High School gym which I haven't been there in forever, I think the last time I was there was when my friend was a senior in HD and Tehachapi played them in basketball hahah wow like in 93 ugggg and I live in Rosamond now heheheh.

Bike ride went smooth my sickness still looms but it seems I am making better time. It took me roughly around 30 mins again but my throat still hurts and I have that lingering cough uggg. but my legs feel good and my cardio is getting better so that's a plus. This morning I did wear shorts which wasn't that bad till I got to Tehachapi then I froze my ass off. I knew I would be but the weather is getting warmer and it was time to start the shorts. On payday I might get the bike rack and backpack so I can start to bring lunch and a change of clothes ya smart John hahaha.

Chatting with one of my friends last night she pointed out my witty humor which to myself I don't see it but I guess others are aware of it. One person wanted to make a fan page for me on Facebook hahah that would be funny but anyway we were talking and I brought up leg pit sweat hahaha we all have it don't we??? In fact since I was teasing her about it on my ride this morning I seemed to be more conscious about it. I had that same legpit sweat I was so going on about.... It happens to the best of us or maybe the worst hahahah!!!


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Wow!!! Bus is full.....

Hmmm ok a huge collection of people on here. The crying child with the comforting father sitting behind me. The quiet girl across from me applying the lipstick and kinds flirting with the guy near the front. We have a white trash looking navy seal dressing yahoo looking like he might do something that will cause us all grief. Mostly young white males. There is one guy with a grossly enormous large head. He might be handicap but can't quite tell I am not sure. Only three females that I can see, one of them I can see staring at me. She has this what's that on your facelook hahaha I can only imagine what she is thinking of. The guy next to me is rocking out to somesort music on b.


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Hot lady on bus...

Ok I'm gonna try and describe this girl that is sitting on the bus in front on me kinda.

I have been riding the bus for almost a month now and I've seen my share of intersesting people. But cmon since when do you see a girl that can almost resemble a supermodel. I saw twins one time that looked barely 21 that were hot with red hair and piercings haha ya but this girl hmmm I will call ger Salma cuz she looks like the actress kinda. Anyways she sits there with legs crossed her imitation ugg boots are scuffed but fairly clean and the jacket she has covering the bottom half of her body is black with buttons on the collar. Covering what thou??? Could she be wearing a mini skirt or with a man mind like mine it could be really short shorts. Hmmmm her calves are exposed which has my attention for a bit. They are muscular and tanned which meanss she takes care of her self and knows she is hawt the jacket is covering her middle half but why??? Is she hiding a big ass?? Doesn't look like it maybe she is cold but that brings us to her purple low cut blouse. Her cleavage did get my notice and also the bad suspension in the bus is causing her to bounce her very nice sized breast. Again salma hyeck heheh she wears a ring bu no wedding diamond zo this could be promising. Her toned arms are holding an iphone which shows some sort of intelligence. And an apple product hahaha. Her mouth has small lips kinda like an anime girl and the small freakle below her eye. Her eyelashes are long and full. She doesnt seem fat at all very toned and petite.. I bet when she gets up she's wearing something tight. Hmmm


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The man who fell to earth...

Well today is my birthday and with that comes many birthday wishes and things said that makes my head swell or even wonder why they were said. Talking to many people last night reminded me on how I am with my friends of new. The witty sarcasm and the ability to entertain is apparent but my soft and caring side shines thru. This my be a fluff piece but what the hell it's my birthday and I could cry if I want too heheh. I was thinking what was my most memoriable birthday.... There was the time I went to Disneyland with Catalina. My kids each making me presents from school and hmmmm the McDonald parties my mom used to throw me when I was a wee lad hahah. As ar as gifts i received a mustang from my parents in highschool. But over the years they have come and gone but this morning my daughter gave me a big hug and said i love you daddy. I teared up and enjoyed that moment the most. As the birthday wishes come in the more and more they make me happy. Which is needed right now cuz my slight detour of life ugggg. The car breaking, the moving in with the ex and next month is the annv. of the death of Nikki.... Jsut been an up and down emotionally time. I do need to vent soon i can feel it boiling up inside.

Anyways my bike ride this morning was a cold one in Tehachapi cuz well I missed the bus and only rode my bike in Tehachapi hahah today thou I will ride home.


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Human??

Hmmm well yesterday I had a smile on my face the whole day. My friends that I have recently made are amazing, it made for an interesting day and also made the day go by faster. I missed the bus at first and I can tell my roommate was kinda annoyed because the bus was actually early and we saw it drive off. I was considerate enough to wait for the last minute for her to take me but it proved disastrous. But she made up for it for dragging me along to the avc campus for her testing where I sat for almost 4 hours uggg we had to take such daughter to doctors cuz she stayed home sick. And now my cough is still lingering uggg. We did pay bills and got a bite to eat but other than that my time with her was limited due to the fact she had to take the girls to girl scouts. So keoni and I stayed home played some halo and ate dinner.

The highlight of my day was by a person that just texted me out of the blue that I ended up chatting with all day and playing games. It was fun and she made me laugh. A very animated individual and funny yet way young for me. Yes the thoughts are there but I enjoy her company and witty snarkism. And it's nice to converse with someone other than my kids and my roommate hehehe I don't know I just don't want to run the same course with most of the hot friends I talk to. Befriend them and become that big brother they never had ugggg oh well it happens and thou I have some close female friends it would be nice to spend moments with. Maybe I'm asking for to much heheheh

My bike ride was not interesting at all, not like last week were I hit a lady and a possum. Thou we did switch buses in Mojave and I did ride in the rain in Tehachapi. My ride did have me dodging mud puddles and I managed to be more aware of my ride. It kinda sucks with no moon out cuz I have to depend on my headlight. So now I'm riding in the middle of the road hehehe.

I do write about my daily experiences like a diary or a man-journal hahah I'm thinking of writing about the stories that run thru my head and the ones I write to people to cheer them up. This my contain sexual fiction or gory adventures. Whatever is running thru my head at the time hehehe. Also I need to start exploring things I haven't a clue about. I did start this blog to explore my relationship of post divorce and the traveling adventures but now it is time to add or change hahah so here we go.......

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Grand theft auto on a bike....

Wow where to start... Well this morning I was riding my bike, feeling good and making good time the moon was barely lit almost resemblance of the Cheshire cats smile. Checking the time at my halfway point smiling cuz I left late but ahead os schedule I continued to bike on. Listening to some vampire weekend and thinking to myself how often does the old man walk or ride his bike this early in the morning. When suddenly I saw a lady walking in front of me..... Uggggg I swerved to the left to avoid her but ended up nailing her on her left side knocking us both down. I flew off my bike landed like 20ft away my head light and rear light broke off and her things fell down too. Omg.... It happened so suddenly and makes me wonder how I am suppose to ride now. I'm so cautious as it is but this mishap has me in lala land about my approach on bike riding. Both my knees are bleeding and have a mean road rash on my elbow uggggg. She seemed ok just shaken and I was ok too. I guess that was a wake up call for both us this morning. Ensuring she was ok I gathered my things and went on my merry way. I made it to the busstop 30min after I left the house and my ordeal maybe took 5mins so I would've had a great time recorded in riding.... I'm sorry to the lady I hit but it was both our faults she wore all black and I was going fast hmmmm

Work has been quiet with the boss away sick. We have been busy and have had lots of situations but otherwise handled it. I finally got rid of something that was back there for a year and now my work area is a little cleaner. We shall see how long that lasts.


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Open arms

Yesterday my daughter Chloe got an award for participating in a water conservation poster project. Her ceremony was at the Rosamond High School gym which I haven't been there in forever, I think the last time I was there was when my friend was a senior in HD and Tehachapi played them in basketball hahah wow like in 93 ugggg and I live in Rosamond now heheheh.

Bike ride went smooth my sickness still looms but it seems I am making better time. It took me roughly around 30 mins again but my throat still hurts and I have that lingering cough uggg. Mut my legs feel good and my cardio is getting better so that's a plus. This morning I did wear shorts which wasn't that bad till I got to Tehachapi then I froze my ass off. I knew I would be but the weather is getting warmer and it was time to start the shorts. On payday I might get the bike rack and backpack so I can start to bring lunch and a change of clothes ya smart John hahaha.

Chatting with one of my friends last night she pointed out my witty humor which to myself I don't see it but I guess others are aware of it. One person wanted to make a fan page for me on Facebook hahah that would be funny but anyway we were talking and I brought up leg pit sweat hahaha we all have it don't we??? In fact since I was teasing her about it on my ride this morning I seemed to be more conscious about it. I had that same legpit sweat I was so going on about.... It happens to the best of us or maybe the worst hahahah!!!


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Wake up...

My bike ride seems to be getting easier as the days go on. Week two almost in the bag and my conditioning is improving. Minus the rides home of course those are hit and miss due to my roommate picking me up or that one day it almost took me two hours to walk home uggg. This morning however was a little inspirational due to the fact that the mornings are gonna get darker cuz the moon isnt full anymore. What was good about it is i usually just focus on the road and peddle my heart out but this mornimg i actually looked up into the sky and saw the stars. Now in the desert away from city lights the sky is so clear at night and u can see everything. If you look close enough you can see satelites moving which is really neat. But anyways the ride under the stars made me appreciate what I'm doing, even thou it was very cold it made the ride a little more enjoyable. My legs are feeling it and my cardio is getting up there. I feel pretty good.

The bus was pretty full this morning with almost all rows of seats taken by one person. What was funny was to people went in the back of the bus a guy and a woman and when the guy sat down the girl sat next to him, he then got back up did a hmmphff sound and sat somewhere else..... I'm not sure they knew each other but he seemed irritated. The stories filled my head as to different scenarios. He didn't take out the trash this morning. She didn't give good head at the bus stop. She smelt like fish that was rotten heheheh. Or my favorite they were Porno time travelers that weren't suppose to have sex on the bus yet cuz there were to many people and if they crossed streams it would be unholy..... Ya that did pop in my head and I giggled.

The couple people I blocked from my Facebook still haven't realized I have done such she hasn't mentioned anything in fact she said my posts are funny....... How would she know she's been block for like two weeks now ugggg annoying I swear.


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Hooked up yet??

The question was poised to me last night "how come you're not hooked up yet?" hmmmm I often wonder that myself. Well it's simple I guess not really looking for anything right now to settle down. Mainly trying to get my own life together. Ya living with my ex isn't a suitable conversation with any potentials or now not even having a car. Ugggg but yes my entourage of friends ask me this question. Who are you gonna date who is this lucky girl gonna be..... Pfft. I did have a couple friends with benefits which seemed fine by me but going to bed alone is more and more becoming apparent. The thought of snuggling and holding her at night is missing. Yes to have that companionship and dependability would be great, But my mindset isn't ready yet for that. Yes I want it but not right now and who knows when. Que sera sera...

Yesterdays bike ride home was bare-able. I almost rode all the way with maybe walking for about 10% of it. The wind wasn't that bad and the music fit. Wasn't that depressed and the kids were at scouts so they couldn't pick me up. Which was fine......!


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Bottom of the cup

It's interesting to me to find a topic or even a title for this blog. Today it kinda fit the mood. Most of the time I'm looking around at whatever has writing on it and then I'll just put it down in the title bar but this morning I was having my cup of coffee getting ready to blog when I noticed today's title. Bottom of the cup.... Yes lately it has been just that. Life throws you some intersting curveballs and recently my life is experiencing such a thing. My car broke saving money for that. I got a ticket need money for that. The house infested with mice and no one seems to care need money for that. The kids are not comprehending the things I have told them. Yes they are kids but hopefully soon before it's to late they will get it. Life is really sucky at the moment and with all this time now to ride my bike and walk home due to it being to windy to ride, my mind tends to wonder. Why am I here??? Yes to lead my children to a better understNding to growing up but why else?? Yes I wander aimless thru these waters of self doubt. Am I falling into my state of depression again?? I can't just leave anymore, I'm stuck at the house. I have been asked to go many places but atlas I can't. This should give me the incentive to save to get this car working again but I just don't see it yet. On to top it off I started to block certain people from my Facebook. Why?? At the time I just didn't want to deal with them anymore. Their life has gon to the better and me I have been spinning on a downward motion and a little out of control. Last Friday I kinda caught the glimpes of the bottom of the cup. It wasn't pretty. The thoughts of suicide and mind numbing situations plagued my head. Being sick didn't help either. My weekend nonetheless was spend in bed contemplating life and yes I rudely yelled at my children to punish them of the acts they needed to be corrected on. What I'm trying to say??? I'm not sure I know anymore but I know I'm still alive and made it to work on this chilly Monday.

Today is a brand new day, how will it fare?? However I lead it, I'm guessing my day will go uneventful till I have to ride home then the toughts will begin again. Monkey see monkey do!! Rather be dead than cool... Listening to Nirvana...

For my birthday I might be heading up to Seattle. I have never been there and have a couple friends there but I probably won't see them. Kinda antisocial trip, bit what's neat I think is that it will be by train. I have been looking online at the different prices and they seem reasonable so we shall see. Or..... I might get a computer of some sort uggg I should just do the responsible thing and save the monies ugggg




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Testing a picture i made on my iTouch heheheh-- Posted from my iTouch

Zip lock bags

Today is the last day of this employee that has worked for awhile now that i really haven't chatted with till recently. She is very zanny and funny and wow a...... Ya I'll keep that thought to myself. Anyways said my goodbyes and away she went.

Yesterday I didn't ride the bus cus I assumed that it was gonna snow so my roommate let me use the car. Which I really to appreciate it, I do need to get her something to show thanks and that has yet to be determined. The bus was rather quiet this morning and the bike ride actually cleared my runny nose and cough.... Bizarre I know but as I waited for the bus to arrive a chill came about me and my nose opened up to drip central ugggg. I reloaded my iPod with mellow music for my bike ride. Is this a sign of me getting older?? Yes I like my occasional gwar or Manson but lately it's been this emo rock stuff like owlcity or just soft like Amy winehouse, weezer, of Montreal hmmmm maybe I'm going thru something emotional that is taking over my subconsciousness. My friend from work has made me start listening to journey again haha. I forgot how kewl they are.....

The bus actually full on the way home the roommate will have a babysitting chore to do so no picking me up and it's rather windy uggg.....



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Changing of power

Kinda cold this morning with the bike ride but the wind was at my back most of the time which made for an easy ride. My legs are feeling it though uggg but hopefully this will work out for my own good. My wind is coming back or at least I can feel it coming back. Just my legs are needing the conditioning.

So getting to work this morning was a bit cold but I noticed that our pro dept has gotten new uniforms. Which is fine at first but after a couple days I've noticed an attitude change in both parties. They used to have regular uniforms just like the rest of us. Everyone at the store is equal and work under one roof with the same purpose. Now they stand out as an image of we are better. Yes they do pull in more money than most departments but they are here for the same company I work for. As they walk thru the break room I notice the new look and instantly thought oh I want one but then followed by why do they get new uniforms and we don't?? And across the uniform states they are professionals hmmmm aren't we all??? I'm seeing a we bit of segragation here. Not just from me but others as well. It just labels them to not deal with the little piddle patter departments or customers won't approach them cuz they aren't in normal uniform attire hmmmmm.


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Rejected....

Fuck that shit ugggg riding my bike home was hell. It's gradually uphill and the wind is a bitch. I made it home in 45mins and I ended up going to bed late so I am kinda tired boooo. But I did have a wonderful conversation with a coworker.

She is an amazing person, ya her looks are beyond good but her spunk and openness is amazing. Anyways she was opening up to me about past relationships and how she opens her heart only to be stabbed. Now she is bitter towards dating and has a huge wall erected towards any male. Now this makes me wonder why do we males continue to do this? Why do we torture ourselves with the constant barrage of selfishness and self doubt over relationships? Yes the sex may be good or the conversations are great but it's temporary. Why do we get so bored so easily.
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Break room

Hmmm well today is the first day I rode my bike to work and let me tell you..... Wow am I out of shape ugggg. Doing such a thing has reminded me of my inability to forward myself in life. Yes it's depressing to know I have to ride a bike to work and I have to ride a bus but it's a scar reminder if getting things done as I shouldve. One thing thou is that in a couple weeks I'll be in some awesome shape because that initial ride was ugggg. The heat and the wind will be my next obsticle we will see.

Riding today has brought many thoughts to my head. The fact that I need almost 5grand to pay for a new transmission and to payoff my traffic ticket. Why must there be a barrier in my way to accomplish my goals hmmmm??? Anyways also borrowing my ex car to much might prove to leave a sour note in our relationship. Something I don't want to go bad. Yes I still live with her and she has her own life but I don't want to deter that. So many things I could accomplish if I was fixed. In due time I suppose.







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I ain't faking this!!

The word pussy was brought up a lot these past few days. Mostly used in reference to pussywillow but most people have to agree that pussy was the key word here for the sudden rise in giggledom. Now I haven't looked up the orgin yet so this is my representation of what I know. So far growing up it was mostly used as a feline friend a pussy cat now why on earth would you name a cat after a female vajayjay??? Boggles my mind and I am sure you soon forget when as a kid you find out the mostly used meaning you tend to forget what other uses are. But ya a pussycat....
Or ever a pussy willow?!?! Now I have heard of this and used it a couple times but I am not exactly sure what it looks like or what it's purpose. Just that looming word pussy. Now when I found out what it was I was curious of course was it hairy? Did it have some sort of plant like substance growing from it? Did it purr or make meow sounds!?!? Hmmm I remember coming across some playboys my dad had laying around in the spare bedroom and the stories I read in there explaining to me the many uses of such a thing. Wow was I blown away... A clitoris a snatch a vagina cunt tuna town whatever it may be it was the holyest of holes and a destination for a cock (a male chicken WHAT?!?) and yes I saw many pictures of such pussy in these magazines. Shaved, hairy, landing pad, patch, striped the list goes on and on. As I got older I saw my share of such things and still wonder why they were referred to as farm animals bit that is still a mystery to me. Till I look it up of course which maybe soon.


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Converse hightops

Wow the bus is full today. I actually had to sit up front. I remember in grade school it was a cool thing to sit in the back of the bus. Away from athority and a sense of freedom from the watching eye. Even thou I never did much to get in trouble I have had my share of watching it go down. People getting to second base, drugs and cheating on the art test..... That is for another blog. Anyways me riding the bus again has brought back many memories of do so in high school. Such as sleeping on the bus under the seats talking about experiences kissing girls and other things. I did get a bus ticket for flipping up a girls shirt and for not sitting down. I rode the bus in Vegas a couple times and in Hawaii. The Hawaii bus is how we got around and one time missed the bus on the way home so had to sleep on the beach of Wikki. Ya we got in trouble but it's forever a memory lodged in my head. Most of my bus trips are from away games for basketball, one time in Rosamond our bus got rocked by the opposing team cuz we kicked their ass so bad hahaha.

But today the bus is filled with some interesting people going to ridgecrest. I am not sitting in the maim seats but the side chairs instead. Across from me is a young gal looks like her mid twenties but she has these interesting converse hightops that she keeps kicking me with. Ugggg should I say some or just type away and ignore her. Now she's asking for my attention. Brb

Hmmm she tried as for smokes which I don't have any. She has these piercings on her upper lip that looks pretty off the wall but I guess that's the style. Next me is a guy talking about how he discovered uranium and is arguing with himself when he discovered it.... I'm not sure about this trip thou very entertaining. The lady behind me looks like she was in a fire and her face didn't make it. Must be hard for her. Anyways till we meet again this bus trip will go to the story books


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Tell me a story....

So my son wrote me a story and it was so funny. His creative banter is amazing to me and with that I started to show him how to draw. He is fascinated at my artistic skills and showing him how to do it was fun because he soaked it up like a sponge. The story was about a piece of cheese that was looking for someone to eat him. He then traveled to china to find a boy to eat him...... First of all I was giggling hehehehe then was mesmerized by his story telling. He was so enthralled by telling me this and he added more. I might draw a comic about this.

The bus had a guy in a ski mask this morning that scared my coworker hahaha I was laughing


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Depression is a bitch

Depression started to sneak up on me yesterday. No car, hardly any money, depending on my ex for a ride to the bus-stop and other things. After battling it for so long and finally getting to a comfortable spot something pops up to lure me back in the messy mix. Not wanting to talk to anyone, I even didn't want to talk to Valkyrie sigh.... I really need to move on from that but it's a whole different story. Anyways walking alone from the bus stop to work in the dark just tells me I need to get this fixed right away. This weekend I'll get a bike to make my trip easier but not better. Hmmmmm. I hate myself right now, how can I let this happen?? I don't have any real friends to hang with just the ones I have online my friend Anne is moving far away to Italy and the others have lives of thier own. I guess I'm just a cry baby at the moment and looking for help but it's nothing they can do cept give a smile. It's just something I have to deal with.

When on my road-trip across the USA I remember stopping in Oklahoma. Driving across the deserts of Arizona, New Mexico and Texas, Oklahoma is were it was starting to get green. I've lived in the deserts of California for so long that just the sight of green everywhere kinds lofted my spirits. Yes it may sound goofy but brown and drab yellowish greys just reminded me of my failures. Nikki once told me that once you change your surroundings then you will realize what you left behind and what you will now become. I wish she was around to give me advice again..... Driving into Oklahoma my eyes widened and the curiosity in me was bursting out. My world was crumbling around me yet I still found something to make me keep going. Do I need to go on another trip? I think so, just to rethink my future.

The bus ride last night was funny. One guy had to goto the bathroom so bad, so the driver let him off real quick to go. Once off all the passengers made fun of him. It made for a good laugh for apparently he has been troublesome since he began his trip. Plus I got a sticker for it being st Patricks day heheheh


-- Posted from my iTouch'n

Hmmm is this a childrens ward??

Hmmm so getting on the bus today for my ride home I saw like five children under five years old all sick and snotty nosed touching everything and crying hmmm. Now I have kids and always taught them respect about property and others but these kids touched everyone that came on and asked for something. It was rather sad cuz the parent or guardian was asleep and these children were spreading their sickness to anyone that came aboard this moving box of contamination. My stomach turns as I'm watching these kids wipe their nose on everything. Omg!! This can be an easy way to spread a bio-hazard. There are actually two pretty girls on here but one of them cussed out her mom and dad on her baby's daddy within a Five minute span. She made it known to all of us. It's a shame cuz now I'm worried how the baby she is carrying is gonna be like when she grows up.

Hehehe I did it!!! I became accepted to the weirdo club of the bus echelon!! I fell asleep in my chair and caught myself drooling..... I fit in yay!!!

-- Posted from my iTouch

Is this me??

Yesterday was my first day taking advantage of the public transportation. Yes the same transit system that was often deemed the lonely poor mans way around. This I have different thoughts on. Yes I get to work an hour early and I save a ton of gas in doing so but the mere social aspect of it can go both ways. I don't have a car right now due to transmission failure so this is my only viable option. Unfortunately it's 7 miles from my house so the thought of purchasing a bike is likely. This comes at a time where my health has been thought of and running, eating right and taking better care of myself was being planned. Now that said car is diabled my excerise will be apparent and my other goals will follow. Yes this will save the money needed to fix my car. I expect this will happen for about two to three months which might be a burden for my roommate.

The bus rides have been interesting to say the least. The mornings have been quiet, only a couple people here and there. And what appears to be a few college students for Bakersfield, other than that the morning rides are quiet. The afternoon rides are different, at least there is Internet service at the bus stop and I can be occupied while waiting. Yesterday what made me giggle is that one guy that has headphones on listening to his favorite music only to make sure he tells everyone else what he's listening to. Seriously?? The bus is a karaoke on wheels?? I continued to laughed to myself because he only said key chorus words out loud which made the song even more unbearable. Ugggg the occational "g" or "bitch" made the trip go a little quicker. The many thoughts running through my head to shut this guy up and or how I can market this for my retirement plan hmmmm. As time goes on I guess I will find things to occuipy my mind for this hour long trip. This morning I had my iPod and after I get a bike illnhave my backpack full of goodness who knows what I can do.

Well I think I will blog my bus trips and the adventures I will be having these next couple of days. How I got here and where I'm going. And besides I have new interests to chat about. Twitter has been good to me these last couple of days, interesting people to say the least.


-- Posted from my iTouch

2009 in retrospec part 3

Nikki
This past year Nikki passed away due to a drunk driver late one night before her birthday.... I miss her so much, we got along so well and enjoyed the same things it was almost to perfect of a situation. It's hard writing about someone you have enjoyed time with. So many things were left unsaid, feelings not expressed, stones left unturned. During the summer time her mother gave me her diary that she kept, I was skeptical at reading it but it was given to me for a reason.

She kept of course the intimate details of our relationship but what got my all choked up was the times we spent driving on our roadtrips to nowhere. I guess that's why I still love doing them because the sense of freedom and to clear my mind. Now thou I think of her when I do drive. I guess a part of me will never forget her. I loved how she wrote about our trip to Hawaii. Just a spur of the moment thing and relaxing there on the beach for days. Hmmm yah I miss Nikki but I have learned from her that yes I can move on. I can write many other stories about her. But I think that's a chapter in my book that I'll keep to myself. She was amazing.


-- Posted from my iTouch

Why......

I don't understand why I always go back for disappointment. She is to pretty for me she knows way to many people and just just..... Uggg why???? I even didn't talk to her for two weeks to try and just let her go but my curiousity slapped me in the face and bam I'm back in the loop of things.... And I'm suppose to be her friend and I know that's really hard to do going from something we shared to friends but she says things that drive me to want to go on and continue this. Now I'm not sure if this is on purpose or what but sheeesh.... Now I'm just a mess again. My feelings are exploding and thoughts of being with her are driving me coocoo. Is she teasing me or is this just a ploy for her to slowly ease me in hahah ya right. It's crazy I can talk to any other of my friends but when it comes to Valkyrie she drives me bonkers....

Putting that aside and trying to ween myself to being just her friend I have been talking to Texas quite a bit and I think but not sure that there might be something there. Not gonna hold my breath but we will see.


-- Posted from my iTouch

All good things must come to an end!!! or should they......

I think today was the defining point of my relationship with Valkyrie, we had a long conversation about who we are and what we meant for each other, i know she has moved on and is happy as to were she is in her life and i am glad, yes i am jealous of the person she is with but one thing i know for sure is that we have still stayed friends thru this and that is important. However, i have learned a lot from this infatuation, I have learned that the power of words can effect how people think and yes someone considered me a smooth talker and such, but all im doing is being nice. i guess to nice for some. The one thing that i made me think twice about approaching someone i like is that i need to be more consistant, I had a chance with Valkyrie and i blew it, she was very interested in me and i set it aside. WHY?? what was i thinking......... I have my reasons and therefore Valkyrie is 'the one that got away' sigh.....
She did bring up a good point, i never talked about my current dating statuses with her, maybe it was just to keep her interested in me maybe just didnt think it was important, whatever the case maybe she is curious now...... Why?? hmmm not sure but i started to share....... I saw a curious person but i was willing to open up to her about that.

Im still optimistic thou, who knows what will happen, i remember first talking to her and we agreed on one thing "things happen for a reason"

No Holding Back.......