Changing of power

Kinda cold this morning with the bike ride but the wind was at my back most of the time which made for an easy ride. My legs are feeling it though uggg but hopefully this will work out for my own good. My wind is coming back or at least I can feel it coming back. Just my legs are needing the conditioning.

So getting to work this morning was a bit cold but I noticed that our pro dept has gotten new uniforms. Which is fine at first but after a couple days I've noticed an attitude change in both parties. They used to have regular uniforms just like the rest of us. Everyone at the store is equal and work under one roof with the same purpose. Now they stand out as an image of we are better. Yes they do pull in more money than most departments but they are here for the same company I work for. As they walk thru the break room I notice the new look and instantly thought oh I want one but then followed by why do they get new uniforms and we don't?? And across the uniform states they are professionals hmmmm aren't we all??? I'm seeing a we bit of segragation here. Not just from me but others as well. It just labels them to not deal with the little piddle patter departments or customers won't approach them cuz they aren't in normal uniform attire hmmmmm.


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Rejected....

Fuck that shit ugggg riding my bike home was hell. It's gradually uphill and the wind is a bitch. I made it home in 45mins and I ended up going to bed late so I am kinda tired boooo. But I did have a wonderful conversation with a coworker.

She is an amazing person, ya her looks are beyond good but her spunk and openness is amazing. Anyways she was opening up to me about past relationships and how she opens her heart only to be stabbed. Now she is bitter towards dating and has a huge wall erected towards any male. Now this makes me wonder why do we males continue to do this? Why do we torture ourselves with the constant barrage of selfishness and self doubt over relationships? Yes the sex may be good or the conversations are great but it's temporary. Why do we get so bored so easily.
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Break room

Hmmm well today is the first day I rode my bike to work and let me tell you..... Wow am I out of shape ugggg. Doing such a thing has reminded me of my inability to forward myself in life. Yes it's depressing to know I have to ride a bike to work and I have to ride a bus but it's a scar reminder if getting things done as I shouldve. One thing thou is that in a couple weeks I'll be in some awesome shape because that initial ride was ugggg. The heat and the wind will be my next obsticle we will see.

Riding today has brought many thoughts to my head. The fact that I need almost 5grand to pay for a new transmission and to payoff my traffic ticket. Why must there be a barrier in my way to accomplish my goals hmmmm??? Anyways also borrowing my ex car to much might prove to leave a sour note in our relationship. Something I don't want to go bad. Yes I still live with her and she has her own life but I don't want to deter that. So many things I could accomplish if I was fixed. In due time I suppose.







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I ain't faking this!!

The word pussy was brought up a lot these past few days. Mostly used in reference to pussywillow but most people have to agree that pussy was the key word here for the sudden rise in giggledom. Now I haven't looked up the orgin yet so this is my representation of what I know. So far growing up it was mostly used as a feline friend a pussy cat now why on earth would you name a cat after a female vajayjay??? Boggles my mind and I am sure you soon forget when as a kid you find out the mostly used meaning you tend to forget what other uses are. But ya a pussycat....
Or ever a pussy willow?!?! Now I have heard of this and used it a couple times but I am not exactly sure what it looks like or what it's purpose. Just that looming word pussy. Now when I found out what it was I was curious of course was it hairy? Did it have some sort of plant like substance growing from it? Did it purr or make meow sounds!?!? Hmmm I remember coming across some playboys my dad had laying around in the spare bedroom and the stories I read in there explaining to me the many uses of such a thing. Wow was I blown away... A clitoris a snatch a vagina cunt tuna town whatever it may be it was the holyest of holes and a destination for a cock (a male chicken WHAT?!?) and yes I saw many pictures of such pussy in these magazines. Shaved, hairy, landing pad, patch, striped the list goes on and on. As I got older I saw my share of such things and still wonder why they were referred to as farm animals bit that is still a mystery to me. Till I look it up of course which maybe soon.


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Converse hightops

Wow the bus is full today. I actually had to sit up front. I remember in grade school it was a cool thing to sit in the back of the bus. Away from athority and a sense of freedom from the watching eye. Even thou I never did much to get in trouble I have had my share of watching it go down. People getting to second base, drugs and cheating on the art test..... That is for another blog. Anyways me riding the bus again has brought back many memories of do so in high school. Such as sleeping on the bus under the seats talking about experiences kissing girls and other things. I did get a bus ticket for flipping up a girls shirt and for not sitting down. I rode the bus in Vegas a couple times and in Hawaii. The Hawaii bus is how we got around and one time missed the bus on the way home so had to sleep on the beach of Wikki. Ya we got in trouble but it's forever a memory lodged in my head. Most of my bus trips are from away games for basketball, one time in Rosamond our bus got rocked by the opposing team cuz we kicked their ass so bad hahaha.

But today the bus is filled with some interesting people going to ridgecrest. I am not sitting in the maim seats but the side chairs instead. Across from me is a young gal looks like her mid twenties but she has these interesting converse hightops that she keeps kicking me with. Ugggg should I say some or just type away and ignore her. Now she's asking for my attention. Brb

Hmmm she tried as for smokes which I don't have any. She has these piercings on her upper lip that looks pretty off the wall but I guess that's the style. Next me is a guy talking about how he discovered uranium and is arguing with himself when he discovered it.... I'm not sure about this trip thou very entertaining. The lady behind me looks like she was in a fire and her face didn't make it. Must be hard for her. Anyways till we meet again this bus trip will go to the story books


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Tell me a story....

So my son wrote me a story and it was so funny. His creative banter is amazing to me and with that I started to show him how to draw. He is fascinated at my artistic skills and showing him how to do it was fun because he soaked it up like a sponge. The story was about a piece of cheese that was looking for someone to eat him. He then traveled to china to find a boy to eat him...... First of all I was giggling hehehehe then was mesmerized by his story telling. He was so enthralled by telling me this and he added more. I might draw a comic about this.

The bus had a guy in a ski mask this morning that scared my coworker hahaha I was laughing


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Depression is a bitch

Depression started to sneak up on me yesterday. No car, hardly any money, depending on my ex for a ride to the bus-stop and other things. After battling it for so long and finally getting to a comfortable spot something pops up to lure me back in the messy mix. Not wanting to talk to anyone, I even didn't want to talk to Valkyrie sigh.... I really need to move on from that but it's a whole different story. Anyways walking alone from the bus stop to work in the dark just tells me I need to get this fixed right away. This weekend I'll get a bike to make my trip easier but not better. Hmmmmm. I hate myself right now, how can I let this happen?? I don't have any real friends to hang with just the ones I have online my friend Anne is moving far away to Italy and the others have lives of thier own. I guess I'm just a cry baby at the moment and looking for help but it's nothing they can do cept give a smile. It's just something I have to deal with.

When on my road-trip across the USA I remember stopping in Oklahoma. Driving across the deserts of Arizona, New Mexico and Texas, Oklahoma is were it was starting to get green. I've lived in the deserts of California for so long that just the sight of green everywhere kinds lofted my spirits. Yes it may sound goofy but brown and drab yellowish greys just reminded me of my failures. Nikki once told me that once you change your surroundings then you will realize what you left behind and what you will now become. I wish she was around to give me advice again..... Driving into Oklahoma my eyes widened and the curiosity in me was bursting out. My world was crumbling around me yet I still found something to make me keep going. Do I need to go on another trip? I think so, just to rethink my future.

The bus ride last night was funny. One guy had to goto the bathroom so bad, so the driver let him off real quick to go. Once off all the passengers made fun of him. It made for a good laugh for apparently he has been troublesome since he began his trip. Plus I got a sticker for it being st Patricks day heheheh


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Hmmm is this a childrens ward??

Hmmm so getting on the bus today for my ride home I saw like five children under five years old all sick and snotty nosed touching everything and crying hmmm. Now I have kids and always taught them respect about property and others but these kids touched everyone that came on and asked for something. It was rather sad cuz the parent or guardian was asleep and these children were spreading their sickness to anyone that came aboard this moving box of contamination. My stomach turns as I'm watching these kids wipe their nose on everything. Omg!! This can be an easy way to spread a bio-hazard. There are actually two pretty girls on here but one of them cussed out her mom and dad on her baby's daddy within a Five minute span. She made it known to all of us. It's a shame cuz now I'm worried how the baby she is carrying is gonna be like when she grows up.

Hehehe I did it!!! I became accepted to the weirdo club of the bus echelon!! I fell asleep in my chair and caught myself drooling..... I fit in yay!!!

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Is this me??

Yesterday was my first day taking advantage of the public transportation. Yes the same transit system that was often deemed the lonely poor mans way around. This I have different thoughts on. Yes I get to work an hour early and I save a ton of gas in doing so but the mere social aspect of it can go both ways. I don't have a car right now due to transmission failure so this is my only viable option. Unfortunately it's 7 miles from my house so the thought of purchasing a bike is likely. This comes at a time where my health has been thought of and running, eating right and taking better care of myself was being planned. Now that said car is diabled my excerise will be apparent and my other goals will follow. Yes this will save the money needed to fix my car. I expect this will happen for about two to three months which might be a burden for my roommate.

The bus rides have been interesting to say the least. The mornings have been quiet, only a couple people here and there. And what appears to be a few college students for Bakersfield, other than that the morning rides are quiet. The afternoon rides are different, at least there is Internet service at the bus stop and I can be occupied while waiting. Yesterday what made me giggle is that one guy that has headphones on listening to his favorite music only to make sure he tells everyone else what he's listening to. Seriously?? The bus is a karaoke on wheels?? I continued to laughed to myself because he only said key chorus words out loud which made the song even more unbearable. Ugggg the occational "g" or "bitch" made the trip go a little quicker. The many thoughts running through my head to shut this guy up and or how I can market this for my retirement plan hmmmm. As time goes on I guess I will find things to occuipy my mind for this hour long trip. This morning I had my iPod and after I get a bike illnhave my backpack full of goodness who knows what I can do.

Well I think I will blog my bus trips and the adventures I will be having these next couple of days. How I got here and where I'm going. And besides I have new interests to chat about. Twitter has been good to me these last couple of days, interesting people to say the least.


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2009 in retrospec part 3

Nikki
This past year Nikki passed away due to a drunk driver late one night before her birthday.... I miss her so much, we got along so well and enjoyed the same things it was almost to perfect of a situation. It's hard writing about someone you have enjoyed time with. So many things were left unsaid, feelings not expressed, stones left unturned. During the summer time her mother gave me her diary that she kept, I was skeptical at reading it but it was given to me for a reason.

She kept of course the intimate details of our relationship but what got my all choked up was the times we spent driving on our roadtrips to nowhere. I guess that's why I still love doing them because the sense of freedom and to clear my mind. Now thou I think of her when I do drive. I guess a part of me will never forget her. I loved how she wrote about our trip to Hawaii. Just a spur of the moment thing and relaxing there on the beach for days. Hmmm yah I miss Nikki but I have learned from her that yes I can move on. I can write many other stories about her. But I think that's a chapter in my book that I'll keep to myself. She was amazing.


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