Depression started to sneak up on me yesterday. No car, hardly any money, depending on my ex for a ride to the bus-stop and other things. After battling it for so long and finally getting to a comfortable spot something pops up to lure me back in the messy mix. Not wanting to talk to anyone, I even didn't want to talk to Valkyrie sigh.... I really need to move on from that but it's a whole different story. Anyways walking alone from the bus stop to work in the dark just tells me I need to get this fixed right away. This weekend I'll get a bike to make my trip easier but not better. Hmmmmm. I hate myself right now, how can I let this happen?? I don't have any real friends to hang with just the ones I have online my friend Anne is moving far away to Italy and the others have lives of thier own. I guess I'm just a cry baby at the moment and looking for help but it's nothing they can do cept give a smile. It's just something I have to deal with.
When on my road-trip across the USA I remember stopping in Oklahoma. Driving across the deserts of Arizona, New Mexico and Texas, Oklahoma is were it was starting to get green. I've lived in the deserts of California for so long that just the sight of green everywhere kinds lofted my spirits. Yes it may sound goofy but brown and drab yellowish greys just reminded me of my failures. Nikki once told me that once you change your surroundings then you will realize what you left behind and what you will now become. I wish she was around to give me advice again..... Driving into Oklahoma my eyes widened and the curiosity in me was bursting out. My world was crumbling around me yet I still found something to make me keep going. Do I need to go on another trip? I think so, just to rethink my future.
The bus ride last night was funny. One guy had to goto the bathroom so bad, so the driver let him off real quick to go. Once off all the passengers made fun of him. It made for a good laugh for apparently he has been troublesome since he began his trip. Plus I got a sticker for it being st Patricks day heheheh
-- Posted from my iTouch'n
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