Bottom of the cup

It's interesting to me to find a topic or even a title for this blog. Today it kinda fit the mood. Most of the time I'm looking around at whatever has writing on it and then I'll just put it down in the title bar but this morning I was having my cup of coffee getting ready to blog when I noticed today's title. Bottom of the cup.... Yes lately it has been just that. Life throws you some intersting curveballs and recently my life is experiencing such a thing. My car broke saving money for that. I got a ticket need money for that. The house infested with mice and no one seems to care need money for that. The kids are not comprehending the things I have told them. Yes they are kids but hopefully soon before it's to late they will get it. Life is really sucky at the moment and with all this time now to ride my bike and walk home due to it being to windy to ride, my mind tends to wonder. Why am I here??? Yes to lead my children to a better understNding to growing up but why else?? Yes I wander aimless thru these waters of self doubt. Am I falling into my state of depression again?? I can't just leave anymore, I'm stuck at the house. I have been asked to go many places but atlas I can't. This should give me the incentive to save to get this car working again but I just don't see it yet. On to top it off I started to block certain people from my Facebook. Why?? At the time I just didn't want to deal with them anymore. Their life has gon to the better and me I have been spinning on a downward motion and a little out of control. Last Friday I kinda caught the glimpes of the bottom of the cup. It wasn't pretty. The thoughts of suicide and mind numbing situations plagued my head. Being sick didn't help either. My weekend nonetheless was spend in bed contemplating life and yes I rudely yelled at my children to punish them of the acts they needed to be corrected on. What I'm trying to say??? I'm not sure I know anymore but I know I'm still alive and made it to work on this chilly Monday.

Today is a brand new day, how will it fare?? However I lead it, I'm guessing my day will go uneventful till I have to ride home then the toughts will begin again. Monkey see monkey do!! Rather be dead than cool... Listening to Nirvana...

For my birthday I might be heading up to Seattle. I have never been there and have a couple friends there but I probably won't see them. Kinda antisocial trip, bit what's neat I think is that it will be by train. I have been looking online at the different prices and they seem reasonable so we shall see. Or..... I might get a computer of some sort uggg I should just do the responsible thing and save the monies ugggg




-- Posted from my iTouch