Before I walk away...

I'm not liking this one bit. I can sense it in her attitude and the way I'm talked to. It might be me or just the fact that I've seen this for the past 14 years..... Yes I'm getting in a rut and I'm reminded daily when I get on that bus or ride my bike. Yes I like the excerise but at what cost?? My sanity is dwindling fast and this I can feel. Each day a pint of depression makes it's way into my head wondering if this is worth it. Yet my kids are the only ones that I come to and reassures me it is. It tears me about seeing thm not get what they want ot crying when a promise is broken. I try but this exhaustion is becoming of me. I'm not sure what to do. My kids only see the outside of me the part of me that hides well of what is really happening I side. They tell my old friends I'm fine. But am I??? Hmmmm I keep myself occuipied but I am running ou of things to do. My computer broke I have no car and I'm tired after pulling a 12 hour workday that includes a 20mile bikeride. Am I giving myself excuses??? Maybe but it is wearing me thin. I'm not happy.

What will make me happy?? Maybe the living on my own thing. Maybe a better job or a better paying job. I'm ugly and right now I have no ambition. I look forward to hide my life and chat with my virtual friends but how long will that last and when they log off I'm alone once again. I get to work and everyone here is against eachother. It's rather sad and makes the workplace not a welcomed place as it once was. Maybe I do need to get away to gather my thoughts but where Nd most importantly how will I get there. It's sad when I ride home I take my time. I've rode down many different trails and stopped and watched ants crawl. Yes I'm that exciting. A good friend from the past contacted me. One I used hang with all the time and talk to. He asked how I was and what's up..... I had nothing. Not sure if I wanted to open up a can of worms or not but it just seemed I was not interested in delving myself. Is it something I want to get away from??? It's been nearly four years since my seperation and almost five since I lost a really close beast friend. My girlfriend past away a year ago and someone I really like I was afraid to go and see. I want to change but it's so hard at this moment and plus I always preached no one ever changes.

What is this bblog about then???? I guess I'm just ranting about my own life not meeting up with the expectations that I have set out four years ago. Fix my broken self and be the best dad I can be. I'm getting a F rating on this and need to go away. I think I will hit up this cruise thing soon. Away and gone for a couple days would be nice. Or save up and get a car.......

Hehe


-- Posted from my iTouch

In groms we trust...

Somebody left a surfing magazine on the break room table and it just remind me of the old days with friends and our surfing trips but one thing I find when reading this is the philosophy that is involved. Most suffers talk about the way the waves move and the way they are part of their life. It's interesting that most travel the world and see new people I wonder if that philosophy gets shoved aside when money is involved and fame. Just like the movies and the books you read there isn't many people that can handle it. I guess when yur floating out there on yur job waiting for that wave to get them points to earn 1st place will have that diminishing effect. I could be wrong. The passion is there at the beginning and the fun but I can only think that once you go corprate you lose that serenity of something you loved to do to the slave land grind of making it as a form of living. I guess I can say I am jealous and fasinated of these surfers. To be in a great shape to pull of these manuveurs and the hot women. Hmmmm

Anyways lately I have been going through a life check. Analysing everything and comparing them to my own. I really need to just do it. Moving in back with my ex has has it's moments and the kids seem to enjoy it but now I'm stuck.... I work all week and don't get to spend much time with the kids and when I do get home I'm very tired from my 20 mile bike ride. I'm disappointing Chloe my oldest is above failing in school and my son doesn't care about hygene. Now just reading what I wrote might just contribute to them being kids but my health as well has been up and down. More mentally than physcally. My life is far from perfect and the choices I have made not all the best. I guess I can thank to be alive but at what cost?? Even though my kids love me my role model creds aren't there and I'm sure my ex has some things to say as well. I'm not sure what I'm doing at this point but it needs to be decided soon. I really don't have friends to hang out with and the ones I do are all on a virtual plane of existance. I'm not all that attractive and my mind wanders...... Uggg. I'm not helping any hahaha. Anyways enough of the daily rant. Just gonna sweep it under the couch and hope it will not come back to haunt me. Today is a new day and life is here.


-- Posted from my iTouch

Paris....

Nsfw 18+
A quick story for her...

The adrenaline rush from the haunted mansion spurred an new interest. Where can we go and not get caught be enjoy each other. Ohhhhhh the Matterhorn!!! Waiting in line flirting with each other and getting turned on more and more with each passing moment. This ride would be perfect to satisfy her for this 5 mins of bliss. The attendant motioned us to sit down. I get in first and you wanting to sit on my lap skootched in snuggled between my legs. My cock growing with excitement and you wiggling yur ass into it more shows me you are aware what is there. The ride stEtson and we wait to enter the cave. I already have my arms around you and pulling u back to lean on me. We enter the cave and begin to ascend to the top to begin the fun roller-coaster. In the dark we can hear the screams of fellow riders. Soon drowned out by our heavy breathing I beginning to run my hands up underneath yur shirt. The soft Lacey bra had no match standing between me and my goal. Knowing we don't have much time I pull yur bra down to reveal yur perky nipples for my fingers to play with. My other hand running down yur tensed up leg finds yur already moist panties. I bite yur ear as I move yur underwear side to reveal yur flower to me. I can hear yur breath get heavy as my fingers pinch and pull yur nipples and a slight burst of cutoff words when my finger touches yur wet flesh. Yur skirt hiked up even more I bend u forward so I can lift u up on my lap. U already knowing what to expect next start to grind yur lovely ass on my crotch. In seconds I pull out my throbbing
Manhood just to quickly plunge it deep inside you as u grind right on top. Both of us letting out a howl of pleasure as we reach the top of the tracks for our downward trek. Yur wet pussy made it easy for u to ride my thick cock. And as the coaster descended the rush of the ride and the motion of fuck became instant orgasm for you. This would be one of many before the ride was done. The whips and turns and the sudden jerks made it almost unbearable for you. The pure sensations of me inside you and the ride making you want more was apperent. My hand grabbing harder on to yur breast and the other rubbing yur clit made me want to cum badly. As the coaster is approaching the end the bumps in the ride made me go deeper in you and you start to fuck me faster. I can feel my urge to cum intesify as I'm going in deeper. And right before the last turn I explode with a deep compassion. My fingers pinch your nipples harder my stiffen up and I can hear and feel you cuming as well. Yur back arching and you trying to get me in deeper as yur muscles spazzing with overjoyed motions. As the train pulled into the station we gather our things and smile. "what's the next ride we should go on??"

-- Posted from my iTouch

I'm not afraid...

The lust that has been displayed these last couple days just shows me that the male counterparts in these womens lives disappoints me. These beautiful and thoughtful people being ignored of their physical attention hmmmm. Some of these women are just awesome. I can see where they are coming from too. As in my previous marriage I was ignoring my wife and thus where I am today. I know the sexual prowlness is enhanced around age 30+. I have seen and experienced this lust. When I was married I however was blind to it. We get caught up in our little webs and daily routines to see this evolve. Anyways miss Arkansas sends me dirty pictures all the time wanting me and sharing her thoughts on what to do. She is married and have kids but I ask what makes you get to a point where this happens. She gets sex once a week but she wants it everyday. Thus my theory of sexual neediness after age 30. There is another woman that I talk to in her 50s that display the same physical need. I have in the past wondered what it would be like to seduce ms Robinson. The knowing of her experiences could teach me a few things. As I get older yes the fucking is wanted but the sensual and romance is becoming more needed. Even Paris loves my words of lust and stories of passion. Where has it gone?? Do we lose track of it at a certain age and need to be reminded?? Paris is amazing, Arkansas needs more and 50+ wants to be fucked and man handled. It's strange yet appealing to hear these different situations. Now I have never sleep with these women but I'm sure if I had a chance there would be no questions asked. I've been talking to a 29yo and she has been flirtatious but not like the others and the 21yo is still in the ewww that's dirty phase. Now hearing from my male friends experiences are almost similar. So I wonder with our attention spans becoming shorter what will happen.




-- Posted from my iTouch

Breaking out!!

This weekend we made the la purisima mission for Chloes school project and even thou it was last minute it was fun to do. Building that I think brought Chloe and I a little closer. We took our time on the buildings made them out of cardboard and painted it with the mass array of materials we had on hand. The horse drawn carriage was pretty neat and the tree and shrubbery. Over all good times, I don't even remember making one and I missed out on zoes project.

Zoe has been a challenge her knowing everything is getting really annoying but I must stick tto being dad and not giving in to her shenanigans. I feel bad yelling at her but how else am I suppose to get thru her. She will be a teenager soon and this should be an interesting ride....

As for me I found a long lost friend I haven't heard from in a couple years. She was always fun to chat with and was around when my ex and I were separating. I was happy to see she had a baby and her long time bf were gonna get married. Sigh......


-- Posted from my iTouch

Fighting on arrival!!

Alright.... Where did spring go?? Rode the bike in the freezing cold this morning when I got up to Tehachapi uggg and it was sleeting in my face hmmmm. I should rethink this wearing shorts.

What made yesterday interesting was the confirmation of Valkyrie admitting she is seeing someone. I've known for awhile but she insisted that they are just friends. Now why has she said this?? Is it because I annoy here to much?? Is it that she's finally serious for that to work?? Hmmm whatever the case may be good luck to her now comes the part of ohhhhhh man I delayed that to long. Ugggg the hot girl the couldn't been isn't available anymore :(. I hope she is ok, it sounds like it thou. I wonder thou.....

As for the roommate she was really sad yesterday so I treated her to dinner with the kids. I wrote a huge blog about her job denial but the damn thing erased ugggg


-- Posted from my iTouch