Be good to yourself...

Where to begin??? It's been a couple weeks since last I wrote in here and well let's see if I can remember all the happenings that is going on.

My good friend that I have been writing about here, about her relationships and such is leaving. I won't see here anymore and probably the only means of communication will be Facebook or via texts. I'm bummed because she is always fun to talk to and nice to look at hahaha but her view on life is what has me interested in her story. She did however fell in love with someone totally opposite of her and they moved in with each other after a week of meeting each other. I guess love can smack you in the head and hard. She digs him a lot but we shall see how long it last. I do wish her the best but I see little hints of frustration that could lead her to regretting her decisions later in life. But she also has a string will so dispite all the odds she can prevail.

As for my good friend from the big state. She is awesome. Well I'm sure if I lived closer to her it would grow into something serious. But I'm here and she's there and I still have my life and she has hers. So becoming her friend has been fun. We tease and play but at the end of the day we are alone. Maybe??? One day we will meet and see where it goes from there. It seems to be a pattern with most people. I talk to valkyrie every now and then and some others I text here and there. Some respond with stuff that throws me in such a loop that I'm like WTF???? Others I'm just nice and take it as it is....


-- Posted from my iTouch

How feeble we are?

I really need to move out and get things I meant to get done, done.... I think today has been bad only cuz something happened last night that made me rethink what I'm doing.... It sucks but kinda glad it happened. It just brings me closer to earth and the reality that I tried to cover.

-- Posted from my iTouch

Weekend of fun??? Ya right...

Well it's that time again. The gathering of the masses in my little hometown. Every year there is this big event that happens that makes people flock back to this town for good times and fun. School reunions of five years, rides, food an crafts. Over all this is a fun event. An event I for some reason have been away from for the past decade. Within that time I did go once but It was just in passing. Thou these next couple years are pretty interesting because my school reunion is up in a couple years and the people I went to school with are starting to show up. Now recently I have been chatting with people and been connecting up with old friends. Well why I run away when this happens is beyond me or maybe I'm just subconscious about what really is on my mind.

One person that is gonna be here is my long time recent crush valkyrie. Ya she will be here and has already asked when to meet up..... I did t give her an answer because I am not sure I am ready to see her yet.... She will be all weekend and me I just so got caught up in something that I didn't know was at the sametime. Ya I should just do it but 80% of me still says to wait. Uggggg it's my procrastination that is killing me on this. I couldve hooked up with her plenty of times but nooooo. I hold back.


-- Posted from my iTouch

Used to be a sweet boy....

Well another festival and another time not going. It's getting closer and cozier to my reunion and I think that's the time I will probably go. Thats in like two years. This year again I didn't go cuz of my self doubt lingering over my head. It was nice to get texts asking where I was but I still didn't show up. The pictures kept coming and the friends I saw were those I haven't seen in forever. But it's my own fault that I didn't go. And on top of that my weekend plans were canceled due to the fact that my kids didn't want to go and I was kinda broke. So what did they do?? Hung out with my ex's best friends mom and my old friend. At least they had fun, as for me??? I just stayed home mad at myself for not going and other things in general. I did meet some new people and have gotten better friends with others. It has been good.



-- Posted from my iTouch

A good idea.... Jealousy

Well here is a start of kinda a new direction with this blog. I wanted to start a complete different page but decided to stay here just cuz it's seems easier to maintain. I have access to it from other places and hopefully I will be able to update as soon as possible. As for my topic titles I'm not sure if anyone caught on but it's usually lines from the song I'm listening to at the moment.


-- Posted from my iTouch

Midnight sun, set me free....

I left my phone at work..... This will be interesting cuz I'm never without phone. But what a flash back it has been. The depending on such a device for social interactions. Just think back in high school we had to depend on our regular land line phone. No emails no texting just good ole talking communication. Ugg no wonder I never had dates. I was to shy. Thou the Internet has opened me up to a social world and I have more friends online than I do in real life. I am sure it's like that with all people now.

Lately I have been feeling lonely. My roommate is always going to her boyfriends and I'm home with the kids every weekend. I don't mind that as much but sometimes I have to get out of my stir craziness. I have had plenty of opportunities to go out and have fun but lately I think my depression is getting the best of me. It kinda sucks but I'm dealing with it as best I can. Internet friends have been great but seeing someone in person seems to be what I'm looking for now. Waking up alone everymorning at 4am and getting home at 730 pm. The kids are either sleeping or just about going to bed. Last night made me realize I have been out of the loop on my kids education. My oldest is not doing well over all. And I think it's partly due to me not caring enough for her learning. Yes I'm grateful for her trying and hard work she puts in it but not checking in on her or positive reinforcements that can give her that extra effort. We all have different ways to raise kids and I'm trying my best to make sure they do what they can to the fullest potential. It's just hard when my day is taking so long starting and ending. Then my weekends are spent vegging. I should be prepping the house for winter or even the minor details that need attention around the house. I have been slacking a little and the quietness of my roommate could indicate that she may be getting irritated. The kids still don't say anything but maybe it is time to move on and out. I can't stay there forever. And eventually I'll need to move. But till then it's just one day at a time.

As for my former friends. I have been toting with the idea of letting go. My past is something I want to be rid of and I really just need to move on. I have already deleted them off fb and just fading away. My sorrys have been said now it's just time to heal and move on. Thou it's kinda hard when everyday you are reminded of who you are and where your at. I don't talk to them as much but I see them everyday. I get sad and sulk. So that's been a challenge for me aswell.

Till next time

-- Posted from my iTouch

She's such a bitch.... This thing called depression..

It hate it when I feel like this. No motivation or spunk. No self reliance no love no nothing. I just wanna curl up into a corner and die. I felt this way one time before and it's just not fun. Even thou I haven't been diagnosed with depression, all the signs are there. It just plain sucks. Just the littlest things set me off to and sometimes the most stupidest things that are beyond my control. My loss of rl friends my loss of family and my inability to move forward, I was doing sooo good last year but since I've moved back in with my ex it has been trying. My fatherly skills are dwindling and my positive attitude sucks as well


-- Posted from my iTouch