hmmm Well this weekend ended up being a bust... my trip to vegas was canceled and my mom uggggh she means well but why would i buy junk food?? haha anyways... I have grown fond of C lately, not sure why.. maybe because she is always there for me, the others just come and go but C is there... Valkyrie has gone back to her BF and seems to be very happy, and farmers market gal is just somewhere else.... So why why do i find this people that I seem to care for, she makes me smile and laugh and all around feel good. Times are tough for her now and one such as myself need to back away.. we have expressed feelings and fun but with her life on the brink of change, i must be there for her as a friend should be. I hope things work out for her. The recent jealousy and untrust is hard to deal with, my recent encounters with such a thing has been a long road but manageable, yes it does sometimes bring out the worst in us and especially when the trust is broken. we feel betrayed and hurt.... I am kinda glad i didnt go but also sad.. yes things might have gone ways we dare speak of or more than likely just had a good time. Unfortunately it is at a bad time... so much for her to think about and me around isnt making things any better... She wants me there and I want to be there.....
Somehow this is sounding like a crush thing, she knows i like her but i cant do anything about it... i dont push it upon her or try and sway her decisions.. we just have fun... can those co exist?? its working so far, some days i just wonder and get lost in my dream world... who ever knew i could love again after my last relationship... but yes i lub her but only in a way she understands.
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