Fuckery

hmmm these last two days have been a little off the wall, the stress from work, the delay of my place being built and still living with mom, the kids and my ex, my dead gf family, snd the resurfacing of old problems... NOT to mention the drama over my friend. Apparently people read this page that likes to construe this blog as fact when its my online place to escape and let out my thoughts... Take it how you will but its nice to let out what I think and afraid to experience in real life. We all have that place in our head but i like to share it here.

Nikkis parents are in town, and the more i see them the more i really miss her, why she was taken away from me is still something i try hard to cope with, almost 3 years since her death and the memories are still lingering in my head. Anne also is having a tough time dealing with this. Together we try to make the best of it.......  I miss you Nikki, i really need you right now..

as far as my family, I dont talk about them that much on here so i will leave it at that.. I like having my kids around and miss them dearly, they make me smile and laugh.
As far as the current situation, ugggh......................................................................................... where to begin.................................... Anne an I have started talking about having a beyond friends relationship for awhile now, i cant seem to wanna commit due to some factors that exist and she knows it, the safety of my kids come first and well she knows what has to be done if it were to ever come down to it, we have been great with our current situations but wonder to much what it would be like to have more. She has been great and understanding. I love her for that and the openess she has with me. As far as Valkyrie go... where the heck did she go? she like disappeared off the face of the planet.... Lawyer girl is happy with her fiance and farmers market girl and I are to hit up disneyland next month. and then theres C.... ugggh talk about a big situation... Her marriage is on the brink of failure, her husband doesnt trust her... and because of it i may lose my best friend. I have grown fond of C these past couple of months, because she understands me. I like the attention and just the warm friendliness we have. its almost 2 years since we met online and shared our lives... Even thou i have never met this person, I like the fact that i have a goto person when feeling down and just need to talk. Lately her life has been in disarray so its been hard to get with her. I have been giving her advice to work it out with her hubby, and its been hard. once we men get on that jealous track its tough to get off of it. Constant wondering and questioning everything.... i have been there. I love C, but I love C for who she is and what she does, I like the creative mind she has, her writings are amazing. I love her attention and her views on life. I love that she gets up and cares for the well being of her family, making breakfast, dinner everyday. I love that she can turn my bad day into a great day. I am sad to see her upset and just lost in these times right now, i wish her and her husband could find a common ground. I fear this may  not end  well but they need to find why they loved each other in the 1st place. grasp on that and run. compromise the changes and prepare for each other for the future.

haha again i am atrocious with the spelling and grammer and it makes me laugh, I am to lazy to go back and change it and well... its just not me to do such a thing hehehe....