So i sit here thinking to myself what am i doing.... I met this really cool person last year, she is very hot, sensual and nice. We talk for hours and about anything. Most of the time i flirt with her and she seems to like it. Over the past couple months its been getting very naughty and personable. Opening to each other about things you dont really tell your best friend. But thats it we are best friends to each other.... It would be wrong to advance anything with her, only because the friendship we have now will change if things become physical. As a male i get those urges with her, hell like i said she is hot!!! On top of that, she is one of the rare people that has seen me for who i am and she has even made me do things I am not even sure i wanna repeat to others..... now thats crazy. Over all our daily routines and whimsical quips on life has only let people that witness this to believe "is that yur girlfriend???" Wait WTF???
Ya.... The things we do would consider it as a couple or maybe not... maybe im just in weird la la land with her... who knows. I do enjoy talking to her and look forward to it every day. Today however was the day we talked about in meeting face to face. Would it be wise? would the temptation be to overbearing? Knowing me i would be kicking rocks and shy when it comes to social interaction. But i know already so much about her so the comfort zone is already present. I will honor her space and our friendship but my thoughts will be all over the place, the what ifs and the wondering.. but thats normal on any meet up.
this has just been a gathering of thoughts and wonderment, I do enjoy talking to her and i do like making her smile. I am balancing on that line of falling for her but mostly i am there for her. Icannot pass that line, i cannot let myself do such a thing because i told her i wouldnt. Deep down inside i wish i can. Plus im in no position to. I need to get my life going back to the way i want it. And recent reminders of past relationships have made me stand back for a second to look what i have. My fwb just told me she wanted to stop. it was to much for her because she started to have feelings. There are others too that want to go out but Its hard for me to at this time because of transportation and where I live... I am hoping this will be solved within the next 5 months or so. Patience.
its good to get some things out and just write them. I think my head is clear enough to becareful of what i choose. A mutual understanding is there and thats what i like. We have fun and thats what matters. anything beyond that is dealt accordingly. I can sleep knowing she will be there tomorrow. our relationship is odd but it is the best that ive had in a long time....
