If I just lay here...

The tension is high at home.... I can't wait to move but I'm not looking forward to leaving the kids... my daughter and I have grown closer... she is a daddys girl and she will miss me. I get sad just thinking about it.
It's interesting what people outside yur circle see... C is totally against valkyrie. And wants to smack me for even liking her... hmmm. Today valkyrie seemed to be ok, she is still sad but receptive.

I took a ride down to oceanside to say hi to Nikki parents. They were happy to see me and hugs were givin. I like them... good people. Made me think of the random road trips we make... I remember sitting there with her at the painted desert in new Mexico telling me I could do anything and making me want to live again... I miss my Nikki

I'd do anything for you...

Sitting here on the bus recollecting my day... not only does work suck do to idiot people but my impatience might get the best of me... its to early to do any thing but it might be to late to make anything work... maybe I over analyse stuff or want things to work. But once I attain my goal... then what.. that's where the work begins... keeping the relationship strong and not boring is work on both parts... with c it has been fun everyday. We amuse each other with daily quirks and problems of random things. That's a healthy relationship in my eyes. With valkyrie we chat and text and laugh.. but I know her heart is set somewhere else. Maybe one day but till then its work in progress. I do enjoy being her friend and am honored that she has opened up so much already. I'm not sure where I'm going with this... I do know where I like to be bit getting there is the challenge.  We have been talking more than we have been and feelings have been shared but its to early for anything to go on... or it just could be me. 

Next week I move out of my home for the second time... I over stayed my welcome and its time to move on... this will be my first place alone and I'm kinda scared... I won't have the kids as much and being alone might bring out my depression.. I'm already getting anxiety just thinking about it... I have thought of stuff to do in the meantime but who knows...

The time I'm taking , I hope its not wasted

When u have a piece of heaven, what do you do with it?? Just walk away?? Just something I find frustrating... my years of chasing valkyrie came to an unfortunate turn this weekend. See her hurt and broken frustrate me.. I can't do anything from where I'm at except support her and be there... I wish I could do more and I will... I've decided to go all out now. When I first met her it was awesome and fun. At the park this weekend, I know she was stressed and happy to see her old friends...
I ask myself why I continue to follow her?? Why do I like her so much?? Other than the fact she is hot as Hell... her witty self, intelligence and being a great mom to her kids she me she has compassion and humility and a bit of a wassup nature. I like that.
Her kids are fun and made me miss how little my kids were.

To be continued

Hmmm I know my name...

Hmmm I really should keep this updated for all the stuff running thru my head... good bad whatever... my friend C has been amazing helping me get thru things and always wish her well... valkyrie still swoons me but nothing I can do about it... why do I still act on it?? The possibility ?? I know I will see her soon and that will be interesting...

I started a Facebook page on my bus adventures and it has been fun so far... I guess I need to becareful as to what I put on there because now there is local people looking at it and they might know who is on there... haha oh well...

My daughter turns 13... Omg has it been that long since I've been with my ex?? I am very proud the way my daughter is growing up, she is funny and lovable by all... just like her dad :)

I don't wanna lose your love tonight...

Hmmm yesterday C invited me to stay with her in Vegas... Wait what?? The same girl I have been liking and sharing unbelievable moments with wants to meet me irl and stay with her over the weekend in the city of sin?? As much as that sounds like a fantasy and dream I'm sure it will be just that... Ya we have shared some great moments that make even us blush to this day. We have developed a great friendship. Yes she is a beautiful person and pretty and amazing... But alas she is taken.... Wtf is up with finding awesome women like that and they are taken... I dream of taking her away and I dream of more but I like the fact I can trust her... A nite of fun you may think!?!? Ya I wish and I know the thoughts would be present... But I have respect and love for her I would not do such things.. those will be locked away for my own personal enjoyment... What does she think? I'm betting on the same thing.. she is skeptical about me sleeping there bit I feel the trust she has in me to let it go... Ya if something happens it would be mutual but at this point its at a hold on to yur own...
I am excited to meet her, this will be the 3rd person I have met from the internet... But interesting that our first meeting will be spending the night... Wow that's some awesome trust that has been built and I appreciate it a lot ..