Wow!! did i get a workout shoveling the driveway today, so much snow and such a nice day. In Michigan, the days were long and the snow just sucked, so much of it and i couldn't go outside because it was dreary and well below 0 degrees. Today however the sun was shining and it was about 34ish, so shoveling wasn't bad and the day was great. I went for a walk and took some nice pictures.
Sigh..... so starting anew in this whole chase of a relationship has been interesting, the emotions that come and go have been rough and the thought of failure still looms, but not as much. Ive had the chance to do things recently with some interesting people. Some that were awesome, some there were mysterious and some that were totally insane that my morals and values had trouble keeping up. A very interesting moral to my dilemma came up today while i was watching TV. You can get bent all out of shape trying to hold back your feelings inside OR you can throw it back at someone and hope for the best. But when people realize that its better off if you weren't there then you know its time to move on. It was about a guy that had fallen in love with this gal, they hit it off really well and then they decided to get married, well that's when things came out about themselves they didn't really know, she left him at the alter and he was confused and upset. Weeks later his friends were worried about him and didn't know if he was angry or upset or just plain over it. The guy was just trying to forget it. Then he saw her and the feelings came back, of anger and curiousness of why she left. His friends egged him on to finish this chapter in his life and have some sort of closure. When he went to confront her she was happy and seemed to be moving on. He knew right then and there it was time for him to let go and move on himself. Its amazing what people can learn by watching TV, the many stories of people lives written into silly sitcoms or extravagant dramas, but most of them sort of mirror someones life in a way. Who knows if i ever get married again or find someone that i can truly be with. I have learned a lot over this past year about myself and i have taken that step into the unknown again, but this time i have a better understanding about things and what i want to accomplish.
That brings me to Valkyrie, is she is an amazing person, but was it just something we both needed at that time in our lives? Both of us coming off a bad relationship and needing someone to grasp onto? Exploring ourselves of what we thought we lost? It seemed to good to be true, but it kept going. I'm confused also, its almost coming to that TV story i was writing about earlier. I know she needs time to figure stuff out and i need to do things as well. Wow!! its just amazing how much i care for this person, i think about her everyday and hope she is OK. When do i need to let go? when do i realize that this might not be the thing for me and this will be what she needs to be happy? I told her i didn't want to hide my feelings anymore like i did in my marriage, I told her that this is me and I'm open now to what is going on. I didn't want to skip past something that might be wonderful. But then again this could be all coming from just me. Yes she has expressed some interest but I'm the one full blown over it. So yes i have been in that phase of waiting till what happens , happens. And i need to take care of myself at the same time. My conversations with her are becoming less and so has everything else. I guess I'm hoping for her to deal with her problems and see what will happen then. But how long that will take is the main mystery......Some of my friends tell me to hold on while others say she will regret it. I guess what really matters is how she is. If she moves on and is happy with herself, then ill be happy too and there is my closure. I wish the best for her and if she is reading this then i hope she understands how i feel. oh wow!! after reading this im such a cry baby :P oh well ill live another day :)
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